


So, He Speaks?

by Sinlesschick6



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Aftermath, Alternate Scenes, Anal Sex, Angst, Blood and Gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Consent Issues, Cuz it still sucks, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt Rick, Hurt/Comfort, I still havent decided if i want all of this on screen... we shall see!, Injury, Kinda, M/M, Object Insertion, Object Penetration, Oral Sex, Pain, Plot, Post-Finale, Protective Rick, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rick Whump, Season Finale, Season/Series 06, Serious Injuries, Torture, Triggers, Victim Blaming, but not really, dark themes, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-05-31 10:52:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6467386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinlesschick6/pseuds/Sinlesschick6
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rick finally speaks up and offers himself. Negan takes the offer a little differently. A chance to play more fun games.<br/>Alternate scenes for the season 6 finale... I just need to get all these feels out. I was thinking of making something to cheer me up, but instead I thought of something to make me feel worse. Yay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cards Against Humanity

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Characters are not mine, I am not worthy.  
> All mistakes are mine.

'Shaking. Why can't I stop shaking?'

Sweat pours down his face, fuck, it could be tears too. He reeks and looks of fear. The cold night air doesn't even come close to helping, in fact it makes him shiver even more. His knees barely keep him from crumbling into the hard ground, his legs are losing circulation fast, he can't feel his legs. He does know what to feel, he isn't in control. 

'Oh God. This is my fault.' 

The man can't even look at the rest of his group- his family. Can barely make himself look up at the bastard that's got him on his knees, cowering like the first time he's seen a walker. No. Worse. He's never felt this fear before. 

 

He startles when something swings into his view. 

'Lucille, right, the fucking psycho named his weapon.'

The old wooden bat wrapped up in barbed wire, rusted and dried from whatever- whoever was on the receiving end before passes again. 

 

The man on his knees is begging, praying it doesn't land on his son- but really he couldn't imagine this end of days going on without anyone of them in his life. 

'Please be me. Please be me.'

He doesn't want to die, he didn't make it this far just to die without a fight, die shaking in his boots. 

 

The voice drags him out of his own minds dispair.  
"Anybody says anything, cut the boys other eye out and feed his to his father. And then we'll start."  
He jolts, looking towards the other man

 

'Not you'

The man continues, swinging his bat in a taunting manner "You can blink. You can breath. You can cry. Hell, you're going to be-"

 

"WAIT!" Rick finally opens his mouth, but he doesn't dare look the other man in the face.

 

Everything is still. Not even the sound of breathing. Hell, no one is breathing. 

 

Negan blinks and leisurely lowers Lucille at his side, and turns. The sound of gravel scrape under his boots is enough to send chills down everyone's back. "What the fuck did I just say?" He asks in a voice far too calm.

 

Rick swallows.

 

Carl grunts and tries to shake the men grab at him off, following through with the silent orders they received. They're already throwing him around until, "Hold up boys, let's see how this plays out first. No need to be hasty, we've got all night."

 

The sound of their leader walking gets closer, stopping in front of Rick and squatting down at his level. "So, he speaks!' The bastard chuckles then grabs Rick by his jaw, forcing him to look into his eyes. 

 

'I'm going to be sick all over this asshole'

 

"So, the great leader of Alexandria that took so many of my men's lives, but pussies out when push comes to shove and actually needs to start dealing with his shit, actually speaks?" Rick can't stop shaking. "So before I stuff that fuck hole full of your kids last chance at sight, and then get back to tonight's main event, what is so goddamned important? Did you need someone to clean the piss and shit from your pants? Cuz I don't know if that's really worth the trouble you just caused."

 

Rick's tongue is numb. His throat feels dry. His lips quiver. "---"

 

Negan chuckles, pushing the face in his hands away. Causing Rick to lose balance and fall. "Such a shame to waste a perfectly good eye. Boys-"

 

"I said wait!' His voice finally comes, but it's not the steady confident voice everyone knows. 

 

"I think I waited long enough." Negan sounds bored, already lost his patients in the other leader.

 

'If I can still be called a leader after this.'

 

"Its about power, I get it." The man on the ground manages. "And I- agree that those beneath you need to learn their place. But no one needs to die!"

 

Negan scoffs and some of the men chuckle, mocking him. "My men want a show, I'm not going to take that from them." The crowd cheers, roars sounding like a pack of hungry wild wolves flooding the forest around them. 

 

"If your going to kill anyone, it should be me. I'm defiant, I'm their leader."

 

"Rick stop!" "Dad!" "Please" Is whispered from his friends, voices distorted and jumbled. He's not listening.

 

"There is no way I'm going to just give in to you, you'll find that out soon enough. And with me leading them, they won't go without a fight." He feels like he's lying to himself, the fight has already left them, look at them. Shaking. Sweating. "Unless you beat the fight out of me first. And if it's a show they want, then a show they'll get. But please- don't hurt them. No one needs to die tonight." 

 

Negan groans, sounding half annoyed, half excited. "Something tells me something a whole lot more fucking fun is about to happen."


	2. Hungry Hungry Hippos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Whelp, time to get this show on the road! And this dick I ain't gonna suck itself." He threw his hands in the air, presenting himself in a way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag for rape applies.

"Alright, I'm sure you know better from your previous experience, but keep those teeth in check." A hand is clasped in his sweat drenched hair, some sticking to his face, dried from the chill of the night. His scalp aches, but not as much as his jaw where Negan has a firm grip on the spot he had decided to kick further into the gravel moments before. Not because Rick wasn't complying, no, it was just because he could. Kick him while he's down. Literally. 

 

"Mmm, pretty mouth like yours, with a decent sized group, I bet it gets used all the time. I bet that's your dirty little secret to keeping the peace." Negan laughs, half a smirk on his face while shaking his head. "I mean, that's what we're doing right now isn't it? Keeping the peace." His smile fades into something darker. "But I'm serious, no biting. If you fucking bite me bitch, the next thing going in your mouth is Lucille, and then I'll keep going. And she's a bit of a biter herself." The villain glances longingly over to the tree on his right. 

 

Eugene who is beside it quivers thinking he's somehow done something wrong, but looks down fast, realizing why Negans looked over. They're all looking down, all trying to stay out of sight in a way, hoping to stay out of the sick bastards line of view, for Ricks sake. Both so that his sacrifice is not one in vain, and it's the best they can do for their leader now to make him feel no shame. So they'll all sit there, do their best to keep their eyes on the ground, try not to listen, and keep still and silent.

 

"One more thing." Rick's head is lifted without his concent, more pain blooming in his busted face causes him to groan a little. "Now, I ain't asking you to pretend you enjoy this. But remember this while you're choking on my dick, you asked for this. You begged me. Maybe not in so many words, but this is what you wanted." Negan shoves the other man back, his balance being demolished by his fear, he falls to his ass hard, hands catching on bits of rock, he can feel a few pebbles slice through skin. It's nothing compared to the hell he's been through before, but it gives him something to focus on.

 

"Whelp, time to get this show on the road! And this dick I ain't gonna suck itself." He threw his hands in the air, presenting himself in a way.

 

Rick gulped, no saliva to quench his cracking throat, he let out a shaky sigh, teeth chattering. 'Calm down, fuck' The man started to boost himself up before an unknown man grabbed him by the shoulders of his jacket, hauling him up. He couldn't help the flailing. 

 

"Get! Get the fuck back Jackson!" Negan shouted. "Shit, man, calm your fucking horses, can't you see this cocksucker is working on it." The villain shook his head and then looked back down at the man he had at his feet. "Damn, I am so sorry about that. But boys will be boys, you know how excited they get about this kind of thing. I bet if I asked your son-" Negan looked moved his body slightly towards Carl.

 

"Please don't." He gasped, his mind going to too many places at once. "I'm doin it, alright? Just- please." His voice pleading.

 

"Well damn, since you asked so nicely." 

 

Rick blew air out in a small sigh of relief. This was what he had to do, to protect his family. This is a good thing.

 

He'd never think that there would ever be a moment in his life like this. Down on his knees for a man, for a monster, shaking under fear of the upper handed powers he withheld. In crotch view. What would the others think of him after this? Could he really be a leader? Did he really think anyone could look into his eyes and respect him when this was all over? He can only pray that they would at least have the chance to at least try. For them all to at least make it out of this alive.

 

'Fuck'

 

Rick planted his legs firmly on the ground, an attempt to prevent them from shivering. He lifted his hands towards the jean clad crotch, unbuckly the other man's belt with unsteady hands. When he got to the zipper, he finally noticed how hard the man's cock grew underneath. His jaw clenched.

 

"You like that eh little cocksucker?" Ricks eyes flew to Negan's, who was winking at him and chuckling at his own joke. "Here let me help you with that, we all know how tricky zippers can be. Don't want those little teeth getting caught on something important, now do we?" Another small laugh at his next joke.

 

And there it was. Before he knew what was happening, Negan had the back of his head, guiding him closer to his nearly fully hard self. "Haha open wide" 

 

'Do it for them'

 

He barely had time to taste it before the thing was shoved down his throat. All at once he was gagging on it, the girth stretching his jaw, he was failing to figure out how to breathe through his nose, and then it was out. He had no time to gather himself before it was thrust back in. Over and over, luckily he could follow the rhythm. Breathing wasn't as difficult, but he still choked a bit each time he felt it slide back behind his teeth. Mix of tastes invaded his mouth, he tried not to ponder on them. 

 

"Youre supposed to be putting on a show. Come on, have a little fun with it. It can't be that bad if you really wanted it so much." Negan groans out between thrusts. "Gimme your hand." He snaps his fingers at Rick. Rick complies, hating himself more as this goes on. "Here yuh go, I'm sure your dumbass is familiar with these. Since you lost em just now." He brings the smaller man's hands to his balls to play with. 

 

It's disgusting. 

 

He's occupying his mind with his loved ones. 'This is worth it. This is worth them. Alive. Safe. Do it for them.' He thinks of Michone. They only just realized their affections towards one another, but it's so real. All the shit they've been through. Together. The way she was with Carl before Terminus that started their bond. Opening old and knew wounds, old and new feeling. Gathering them up, stitching them together. Flourishing their bond. God, when he saw that walkers at the road, all linked together by chain, and when he noticed the few dreads of her hair. Oh God, the flood, the drop in his stomach. He thought he had lost her. Thank the heavens she was alive. But why did she have to be here. Probably disgusted. Watching him be violated. She would understand. Rick could hope.

 

"Fuuuuck!" Rick opened his eyes he didn't know he had closed. The penis in his mouth was larger than before, a vein bulging on his tongue. He could feel the blood pumping through it. Or maybe that was his own pounding in his ears. Probably both. 

 

"Man that mouth ain't just good for looks, I'm gonna havta pass you around. Share with the rest of the class." He laughs. Then he yanks the other man back, making Rick gasp, neck straining. Negan pulls his cock out of his mouth and grabs it with his free hand. One jerk. Two jerks. And on the third cum goes flying. 

 

Rick flinches, unable to move out from the line of fire before it covers him. He closes his eyes, feeling some smack somewhere near his brow. It's coating his entire face, quite a bit landing in his mouth, and on his lips. It's foul. 

 

"Mmm. Now it's that a pretty picture. If I could keep yuh, I would. Just like this." Still holding his head, he shows the crowd of men, Rick tries not to look, but he can see far too many of them getting off on this. That was the point wasn't it? "Well. Haha. I could, couldn't I? I'm the one holding all your friends' lives in the palm of my hands."

 

Ricks heart beats harder, he's going to be sick. 

 

"But a deals a deal."

 

'It's over. He did it. They're okay. They can go. Let us go.'

 

"Well, when we're done with the rest of our fun activities." 

 

'What? Fuck! No!'

 

Negan puts himself back into his pants. "Now, you didn't think you were just gonna be doing one suck fuck n done, did yuh? If you really want to save each and everyone of these fuckers you call your friends, family, group... whatever. Then I expect one fuck each. So look at that, we've got 10 more to go. Including you if you're still alive when we're through with you. And no dying in the middle of it either, or I'll havta decide which unlucky bastards to kill. You get it."

 

'No. No. No. No.'  
'I've got to make it. For them. I can take it.'

 

"Kay boys. Strip him, and tie him up on that tree by Lucille. Holy shit, I've got a great idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Rick. I love him so much, why am I doing this?!?
> 
> Well another night of no sleep. It's 4:50am and this is what I'm doing.  
> Sorry if there are any errors. My tablet hate curse words so it changes them to the dumbest things. I could prolly fix it, but I enjoy using it as a conversation started.
> 
> Well, tell me how you like it so far! :) you guys keep me going. I can't believe the great response I got from the first chapter. Yay!


	3. Hi Ho Cherry-o

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No! I'm sick of all this waitin around. These fuckers killed a shit ton of our men, fuck, some of them were my friends. They don't deserve to be fucking alive right now!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! A post before 5am!(well my 5am) lol
> 
> No rape in this one, just a little play with Rick's mental state a bit.

If it weren't for the rope, he wouldn't have been able to keep himself from falling on the bat propped up directly underneath his ass. Right where Negan left it, as a symbol of what he can do. Which was anything he wanted.

 

Exhaustion was settling in, the adrenaline was fading from his system. Rick wasn't sure how long he was standing tied so that he was hugging the tree. Well, standing was the wrong word. The men that grabbed him, hauled him up so that his toes just barely reached the sharp rocks beneath them. Yes, his toes, they took his boots and socks too, so when Negan meant stripped, he meant to the bare skin. At first he was uncomfortable with every bit of him to be seen by the large group of men, his loved ones paid him no glances that he could see, thank God. That was one thing he could do without, maybe he could get out of this with a little dignity left.

 

'Yeah, right. I just had another man's cock in my mouth and his cum is still all over my face.'

 

But no, it wasn't the humiliation that wasn't getting to him now, it was the exhausting and the increased dropping temperature. The shaking he was doing before didn't even compare to what the dried sweat and cum chilled from the breeze felt like to him on his naked body. The man's teeth chattered, already cut cheek scraping against the bark, bow legs loosening and tightening from trying to keep balance on the pads of his feet. In hope that his manhood pressed between himself and the large trunk received minimal damage. 

 

Splintering cock, ha, reminded himself of the time him and Michonne went out into the forest near Alexandria one day. Carl had been making it a habit to checking on them. Making sure they were they were behaving themselves. 'I raised a cock blocker.' So they headed out, made sure to check for walkers, before Rick pushed her up again a tree for a quick break. God she was not happy with him afterwords when the fun died downhe and made him pluck the small bits of wood from her beautiful skin. This was some kind of sick payback for that.

 

 

'Fuck it's freezing! Where is that sick bastard?'

 

 

It had to have been a couple hours by now, a lot of the men had gone, some to wherever Negan headed, others who the fuck knows. Probably to go terrorize some other group of people just trying to survive. This was no doubt part of the torture. Waiting and wondering. Rick would only be lying to himself if he said it wasn't working. He knew his family was right behind him, but we're they okay? Poor Maggie, this wasn't supposed to drag on like this. She needed a doctor right now. He needed to work something out, they had to have a doctor of their own.

 

It was the not being able to see them, he needed to know they were okay. How would he know? How could he be sure someone didn't silently slit their throats and all leave him for dead? He'd just be a walker feast then, maybe his own team to be the ones to rip him apart and eat him. Fuck, he barely knew the guy, and it's already sounded like something he'd do. Tell them if they spoke there would be dire consequences just to make him think the silence was their own doing. 

 

Rick muffled a pitiful groan into the tree. He could help it.

 

"Hey shut the fuck up! You heard the big boss man, no noises!" Next thing he knew there was a hand behind his neck smashing his face further into the sharp bark. He was startled, so Rick had no time to prepare for the impact of his lips busting into the splintering wood. He groaned once more. "Damn dumbass, that's a cocksucker for yuh, doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut." The man barked out a laugh.

 

"Stop this. Hasn't he had enough, leave him alone." Michonne spoke up, her words fast but steady. She knew she shouldn't have opened her mouth, but she couldn't bare it anymore.

 

"Michonne don't!" He blurted.

 

"What the fuck did yuh say to me yuh bitch?!" At the sound of gravel kicking as he walked, Rick was already rolling his hands to get them out of the tight rope that wouldn't budge. Lack of circulation made his movements flimsy. He strained his neck to see but he could barely move. 

 

He heard a loud smack in the air and the unmistakable sound of her fall to the ground, other than that she was back to silence. 

 

"No c'mon bitch, i wanna see yuh try that again. Tell me what to do. I'm darin yuh." Another sound of a smack. Other voices whispered followed.

 

"Hey! Hey!" His voice taking time to get louder. "Get the fuck away from her." It took all the energy he had left in him the muster up a shout, it was in vein. But it was worth it, he heard the guy stomping back towards him, away from Michonne. That was good enough for him.

 

"Yuh piece of shit!" The man lurched the bat out from underneath him, Rick had forgotten it was there. He moaned into the tree, spit and blood dribbling out of his mouth as the bat tipped his sensitive uncovered balls. 

 

"Holy shit," another man gasped from somewhere behind him. "Jackson, put that down man. Seriously, fuck, you-" 

 

"No! I'm sick of all this waitin around. These fuckers killed a shit ton of our men, fuck, some of them were my friends. They don't deserve to be fucking alive right now!"

 

A whistle burst through the air, everything went silent, everything went still. "Holyyy hell." Without anyone knowing, Negan and a few of his men had gathered just beside the tree Rick was attached to. Rick had to turn his head to face his way. The other man winked at him. His stomach lurched, and Negan's grin grew wider from the reaction. "Someone's been busy." Then the other leader turned towards the man behind him, who everyone refered to as 'Jackson'. His smile fell and his stare turned cold. "Damn, y'all were starting the party without me. What I wonder got you so excited?" His words sounded jokingly, but his tone sent chills down Rock's back, goosebumps grew on his goosebumps.

 

"Well, uh Negan, uh sir." Jackson spurt out. 

 

"Were you thinking of taking my place while I was gone?" 

 

"No- I-" 

 

"Did you think maybe I was gone so long I died? Was that it? Did you think I was too weak to handle my own?" Negan stepped closer to his minion.

 

"Of course not, I-"

 

"Deciding to take this situation into your own hands. That sure sounds like going out from under me and trying to steal my place as leader." Negan looked down at Lucille and then stepped completely out of Rick's view. 

 

He heard the other man stutter. "No! Please, I-" 

 

BAM! The sound of a swing and then a crush as what seemed to be the bat hitting the other man in the skull. Rick pressed himself into the tree and he felt blood splatter onto his back moments after hearing flesh rip from bone. 

 

"Pleeee, uhhh." The man not quite dead gurgled out. 

 

 

"Whew! Look at that, he's still tryin to talk with half a brain." Then the bat hitting again. And again. And again. It only stopped when it sounded like Lucille was wacking more ground than the pool of body that once was Jackson. 

 

Negan let out a big happy sigh once he finished, then walked up behind Rick. 'Fuck, heart stop pounding.' "Sorry bout the wait. Looks like you missed me." Rick felt a warm wet hand rub all over his back. "Looks like Jackson and you were getting a little too personal." The smell of the other man's innards that were rubbed all over him made in vomit. "Aww c'mon. That's fucking disgusting." Seeing as his jizz was all Rick had in his stomach, yes, it was fucking disgusting. 

 

 

'Why did that just happen? It's not like it's the first time I've had other people's blood and guts all over me." 

 

 

"Well okay, now that this fucker is a fucking mess, someone get him cleaned up and away from all that shit. And be fucking careful" Negan's voice grew further, still out of view. "I didn't waste all my damn hunting this thing down just for him to get killed before any of the real fun starts." He tut. 

 

 

Ricks vision was dizzy as an man appeared on the other side of the trunk. The rope sliced so suddenly he tumbled to the ground. His vision blurred, and sound was going in and out of his ears, he could barely open his eyes. But he could swear, laying in what must have been in a little of his vomit and a lot of what used to be Jackson, there was one distinct sound. One he couldn't ever mistaken with anything else. The sound of a hungry walker that's just found its next meal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm seriously so thankful for all my readers. I wasn't really sure about posting this at first, I literally wrote it at a spur of the moment sleepless night kind of thing. Thanks for joining me on this journey :)
> 
> Feel free to comment, tell me how I'm doin, you guys help keep the story going!


	4. Lucky Ducks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I have a feeling that today is gonna be one hell of a good day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhg planning as I go is getting hard, but I can't risk writers block. Thank goodness I have you guys to help me with positive responses!

Rick dreamed this was all a dream. That Denise wasn't killed, so Daryl never had reason to take off after the man with half burned face. And that Glenn, Rosita, and Michonne never chased after him. Glenn was in Alexandria when Maggie felt the unbearable pain in her abdomen, able to take her to Denise and get fixed up. Gave her meds, found out nothing too serious was happening, baby and mommy were okay, and she was able to get rest. He dreamed of watching Carl rock Judith in his arms and lay her down in her crib. Turning away and see Michonne's dark eyes sparkle with nothing but pure serene. Rick felt himself smile towards her, a warm fuzzy feeling spreading throughout his body. She smiled back and opened her mouth to speak.

 

 

Growling and gurgling came out. Half her mouth ripped away as she reached for him. Clawed at him. Her eyes no longer held love, they were empty, black, bloodshot orbs.

 

 

Rick jolted out of his unnerving rest, awakening to be less at ease when he realized it was all just a dream and he was still surrounded by the survivors. And if that wasn't the worst new, then the walker biting forwards at his face was. It was It was what used to be a middle aged darker skinned woman, who was now a dark muddy gray monster. Well, that explains the end of his dream. 

 

It didn't seem to be moving any closer, that's good, him being alive and- he checks his body for any bites, yes, that's good. He looked closer, the female walker had long rope tied to its neck and a shorter one to the mid section of her body, so that she was on all fours. It was a freshly changed walker, a few days tops, otherwise there was no way rope could stop it from ripping itself into two to get a taste of the man just a few feet away. Oh, and it was completely naked as well.

 

He looked away quickly. 

 

 

His face hurt and his muscles ached, his face and chest felt crusted with God knows what, he really had to piss, but at least he wasn't as frozen to the bone as he was earlier. He attempted to lift his arms to shift what must have been his jacket around him, to provide at least a little dignity, but instead found his hands tied together behind his back. 

'Where the hell am I supposed to go?'

 

Damn, everything was so heavy. Tiredness weighed down on him, the what must have been at least a few hours of sleep did nothing. It had to be at least a few hours, it wasn't complete daylight out, but the sky was no a blue gray vs the pitch black that surrounded him and his group before he'd passed out. 

 

 

His group. Ricks worked his weighed down lids open as much as he could and took in his surroundings. The opening in the forest they were in somehow seemed even smaller than it was with the forty some men surrounding them. He fortunately wasn't tied to the tree he was propped up against, so he was able to turn his head and look around. He was located across from his previous location. The walker tied to another. He shifted his body, leaping with his legs and bum as much as he could to look for where his family should be.

 

 

He sighed in relief. They were huddled up closer together, surely to stay warm over the night and the misty morning in the forest. Good, at least they were allowed that luxury. 

 

 

Rick glanced around, a few men in every corner, big guns. No chance with no weapons. The closest guard was leaned up against the RV, paying the cigarette in his mouth more attention than anything else. Surely Negan was in there getting his beauty sleep. 

 

"Rick." Was whispered, pain in their voice. His eyes flashed towards his group, to the injured man that said his name. "Rick, man, we ain't s'posed to talk ta yuh. But ta hell with em. How yuh holdin up?" Daryl questioned. 

 

 

Rick wanted to rub his face out of habit, how was he doing? "'M fine. How's everybody else? 'M gonna try and talk them into getting Maggie to a doctor. You too Daryl, not lookin too hot."

 

"Bullshit, you ain't fine." Daryl responded. "What are we going to do?" "Dad what's your plan?" Carl asked expectantly. "What if we don't make it out? From experience, how can we know these men aren't lying?" Eugene deadpanned. "She's not getting any better." Glenn freaked. "I think we can take em." Abe squared his jaw, looking ready to fight. "Don't be stupid." Sasha said back to Abe. They began to panic. Blurting out all their concerns at once. 

 

 

"Stop." They all quieted. "Whatever happens, I'm getting us out of this." Rick stated firmly.

 

 

Michonne spoke next. "But at what cost? Will you risk yourself trying? I know you're willing to, but will it be worth it? What happens when the rules change?" The look she gave him worried him.

 

 

They were pelted with handfuls of scattered rocks before he could even think of an answer. "Shut it over there. No talking, we don't need y'all plotting." 

 

'Plotting what? We're screwed. Fuck, don't think that. We're getting out. They're getting out."

 

 

The walker thrashed and growled. 

 

 

 

Rick was woken up once again, but this time from the sound of a door slamming open and Nagan breathing in as loudly as they could. Sighing out as if it was the best fresh breath of air he had ever experienced. "Ahhh the things a blowjob can do for a man. I got one hell of a good night's rest. How about you ladies n gents?" He placed his hands on his hips, smiling wildly. "Wow sleepy heads, how have you made it this far?" He frowned. Negan walked over to the guard who was closest to him, standing but clearly fallen asleep. He nudge the man, and took the gun out of his hands and fired and the ground in front of the small crowd. 

 

All of them leapt back, startling, gasping, sounds of surprised. 

 

 

"The hell man!" 

 

 

"I asked a fucking question. I don't appreciate being ignored." 

 

 

"Well we slept like shit, thanks." 

 

 

"Glad to hear it." He shoved the gun back into the man's hands, he sighed his relief at knowing he wasn't in too much trouble for his nap.

 

 

The bigger man walked over to Rick's side, clapping him on the shoulder and chuckling at the walker that noticed him and grew louder. "Good news guy." Negan slid down, taking a seat against the trunk. Ricks heart beat harder, something about this guy wasn't right. What was it that put so much fear into him. "While you were out of it a bit a decided to let a few of my men hold a bet." The man glanced down at Rick's chest. "See who came the most. It was pretty fun, too bad you missed it. But let's see-" The bastard began counting on his fingers, giving Rick a sick feeling in his stomach. "Woah hey! Look at that." He waves his fingers in his face. "You've only got six more fucks to give, you're halfway there. Damn I think I'm gonna have to pay you a visit with a few of my men later on once we get all our shit in order."

 

 

The walker reached and grabbed for them, the rope stopping her from just barely reaching its hands at Negan's boots. "Isnt she great?" 

 

 

"A few of my people need a doctor." Rick managed. 

 

 

"See, I picked her out special." Negan continued.

 

 

"Just look at them, your men shot one and the other is in serious danger. You're group has to have a doctor. If you won't spare the supplies, at least let them go. That's where we were headed."

 

 

"See, doesn't she kinda remind you of a certain someone?" He nudged his head towards Michonne. The walker really didn't, it had no hair, no life. Only similarities was what it's skin tone may have been and that it used to be a woman. 

 

 

"Please." Rick tried again desperately.

 

 

"See we know your taste." Wait, what? "We've been watching for awhile, you see. We know exactlllly what kind of woman you like. So I thought it'd be funny. It's crazy how easy it was. Not just find the walker, but spying on you." His grin grew. "Surprised?"

 

 

'How long were they under out noses?!?'

 

 

"Please, just let a few of them go. If I've already paid the price for five of them, prove true to your side of deal." He prompted.

 

 

"Alright, alright!" He gave him a big toothy grin and pat his shoulder again. "Miss deathbed, bloody mess, aaaand hot stuff- actually, black hot stuff, you look more capable of keeping them alive. My associates- oh shit that bitch can barely hold herself up, better take trailer park kid kid with you- any way my associates will lead you out to the road. He'll help yuh get wherever your going. But no funny business, I won't have a problem killing every. Last. One of you."

 

His men start gathering them to leave. Maggie, who Glenn hugs and kisses As many times before he has to let her go, Eugene doing his best to half carry her, Daryl who just shakes them off awkwardly due to his shoulder, and Sasha who does the same but hurdles her small group together protective like. They glance back at their leader once more, Rick gives them a small squinted nod, Sasha nods back. It's he job to get them to Hilltop now. He prays they truly let them go, and they find a vehicle on the road with gas, and they make it. Please make it.

 

 

"Yuh know, that's gonna cost you extra. I'm not usually so generous." The villainous leader lays his hand down to rest on Ricks thigh and looks back at the walker. "I didn't just get her for looks. I think I want you to fuck her." 

 

 

 

If Rick had anything in his stomach, it would be all over him then.

 

 

 

Negan barks out a laugh, tears springing from his eyes. "Oh God your face! Totally worth it." He began laughing again, looking to the sky trying to calm down. "I'm just fucking with you man. Ease up. You know, between you and me, that's mostly why I got her. For the joke. But I mean look at her, I'm sure that pussy is still perfectly in tact." He glanced over still chuckling to himself. "I'm going to have to teach you guys at Alexandria how to take a fucking joke. Must have zero sense of humor over there, sounds boring." He smacked his lips together, finally finished laughing at his own twisted joke.

 

 

That didn't lift any of the weight off. 

 

 

"But I am expecting you to take care of this." The man unzipped his pants, penis springing out already hard from whatever the sick fuck has been imagining. "Well c'mon." Rick bit his tongue, what has he become, and shifted into a better position, what he could do with the lack of the use of his arms. Negan lead his head down to his cock. "Mmm be gentle, I like my morning sex long, slow, n easy." Negan rubbed his hair in a calming manner, but it did anything but calm Rick down. His body quaked as his mouth was lush up n down along the length of the other man. Negan sighed loudly and rested his head back on the tree. "I have a feeling that today is gonna be one hell of a good day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm serious you guys, I can't do this without you. All your comment have got me pumped for writing the chapter, so thank you!  
> This one is kinda a filler before I plunge into deeper darker .... stuff. I needed to take care of Maggie and Daryl, priorities lol
> 
> As my boyfriend says "Nothing wrong with a filler chapter. You have to slow it down a bit sometimes otherwise you'd melt your audiences brains :P"


	5. Apples to Apples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fiesty." Negan's eyes lit up. "Two can play that game. Maybe your people will enjoy eating each other's eyes out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! A post so early? Crazy haha

His stomach felt painfully empty, he'd been starved before, it wasn't anything new, but it had been awhile since his group last struggled with food. And the taste in his mouth was only making it worse. As was Negan. He had his men start a small fire and cook a pot of whatever that heavenly smell was coming from. Negan himself was leaning up again the tree the walker was before, hopefully wherever he took it, he bashed its skull in as well. Now in its place was the psychopath, paying no attention to his group by the fire that was in between he and Rick. No, he was staring and smiling, taking large bites from a fresh apple.These men weren't farmers, they were robbers, stealing from the weak, as if it were taking candy from a baby. 

 

 

Rick's stomach growled at the crisp crunch as Negan took another bite of the fruit. Juices dribbled down his face and into his scruffy beard. He smacked his lips and smirked when he caught Rick eyeing his mouth. Rick swiftly turned his head to look away. He heard the other man take another bite, moaning and chomping with his mouth wide open. The tied up man rolled his hands in his restraints, biting his lips when they cut through flesh. He tried to focus on that small pain. Negan smacked his lips together and sucked on his sticky fingers, popping them in and out of his mouth. Rick forced his eyes closed, and failed to pay his attention to the noises chattering group of men over the fire, but fuck, it was as if Negan was right next to him. Chewing in his ear, taunting him.

 

 

"Yuh know, it's people like yours that really make my groups survival possible." Hooking his teeth around his apple, crowding into the man on the grounds personal space, shading him from the warmth of the sun.

 

 

Rick didn't look up, just shifted a bit from under the other man. "Oh yeah, how do you figure that?" 

 

 

"Well see, my men are sorta the rejects. We know how to kill things, walker, animals, and people if we really need to. But we don't know any of that agricultural shit. Hell, most my men think if they bury some seeds then a fucking magical tree will sprout from the ground baring fruit to last a life time." He shakes his head. "Isn't that an unfair advantage your friends got on us, not even willing to share. Really it was only a matter of time, you brought this on yourselves." The man tut. 

 

 

"If- if you had asked, we're willing to help. We can teach you things, I was in your place once. We still can. Isn't that better?" Rick finally looks at him, the leader in him coming through in his offer.

 

 

Negan looked as if he were thinking about it long and hard. "Naaahhh. We're in it for the fucking simplicity of it. Plus this is waaaay more fun." The larger man squats down in front of him, the sun shining through the tops of the leaves flashes into Rick's eyes. 

 

 

The man places the apple into his mouth as he reaches into his boot, pulling a knife out. Rick is able to hold his flinch, carefully watching the guy in front of him. Nothing seams threatening about the actions, unlike the man himself, everything about him it feels like a potential threat to his life. What does startle him is when the man grabs at him and pulls him closer, so that he's bent nearly in half. He struggles when he's pushed down into a denim crotch. "Hey quit your squirming punk, otherwise I think we'll havta have a repeat of this morning's activities. I've got plans for those last five, even though I have gotten used to coating your throat with my cum." The man moans, dragging the knife across his back. Rick grunts a bit when he feels it knick his skin. "Looks like someone's been trying to get away, you know this could get infected." He talked down on him, chastising him and sigh.

 

Rick felt the rope slice away, his hands immediately approved of the blood flow returning to his fingers. Negan let the smaller man pull himself back against the trunk of the tree. He rubbed his wrists as the other man slipped his knife back into his right boot, Rick cataloged that information. 

 

 

Thud. "Whoops." Negan's piece of fruit fell from his mouth. Rick looked down, licked his lips, and glanced back at Negan, who was no longer looking down at the apple. He was smirking at him.

 

 

"Why don't you have it?" He said in his gravely voice, squinting from the big fucking grin on his face. 

 

 

"If you're offering, give it to them." He looked over to his group.

 

 

"I'm offering to you. I don't give a fuck about them." 

 

 

"Then. I. don't. fucking. want it. I'd rather it go to waste than ignore the needs of my own." Rick looked away. 

 

 

"Fiesty." Negan's eyes lit up. "Two can play that game. Maybe your people will enjoy eating each other's eyes out." 

 

 

"Fuck you!" Rick shouted.

 

 

Negan leaned in, grabbing Rick at the throat and choking him into the tree, gloved hand feeling strange around his neck. "Not yet." He winked, then waited until the other man's face turned red to speak again. "Now are you gonna wait and find out if I'm true to my promises, or are you gonna take my offer and eat the fucking apple? Plus if you really want me to take up your offer, you're gonna need to fucking eat something for stamina." 

 

 

Rick squared his jaw and glared, his teeth grinding in his mouth. "Fine." He spat. 

 

 

"Good!" Negan released his throat and Rick gasped in harsh breaths.

 

 

Rick reach his hands for the fruit on the ground. "Ah ah ahhh, with your mouth." He heard a few of the men behind him whooping. They'd been silent up until now, but now their attention was definitely focused on the two men, which made Rick feel even worse.

 

 

"Fine." Rick held in his discomfort, not giving the other's the satisfaction. He leaned down, this fucker had to have done this on purpose, get him in his groan area again. He couldn't miss the way the jeans were apparently tighter against the other's thighs. But he reached down with his mouth as fast as he could and plucked the slightly dirt covered apple and sat back up. Mouth full of fresh fruit, eye full of pure hate. He brought his hand up.

 

 

"I got that for yuh." Negan brought his hand up near his mouth, looking hungrily at it. He made a biting motion as if showing Rick how to eat for the first time. 

 

He bit into a piece, he'd be lying if he said it wasn't delicious other than the few bits of rocks that chipped at his teeth as he munched. 

 

 

He got a few bites before Negan spoke again. "Good? Good." Then he tossed the remnants of the core to the side. "I'm sure you remember our talk about you giving me half your shit." And then he rammed his body into the smaller man's, grabbing his elbows and pinning them to the tree, Rick shoved back but failed due to his surprise. And what happened next. 

 

 

Negan crowded into his space, so that their faces touched. Rick's neck was strained up when the other man's mouth crushed against his. He tried to close his in time, but teeth bit harshly at his lips. A tongue invaded his, swirling about. His eyes widened more when it began flicking teasingly at his own tongue. He was dead still. He could taste the other man's mouth, sweet apple never tasted more foul. He could puke. Right into this bastard's mouth. Sharp teeth clicked on his tongue, he tasted copper. And then he could breathe. 

 

 

"Damn man, you don't suck like it, but you sure kiss like a fucking virgin." Negan licked his lips. 

 

 

Rick choked the saliva, blood, and bits of apple down. He threw up in his mouth a bit too, he forced that back down too. Tarnished was his memory of the apple Michonne and him shared before everything went to shit.

 

 

 

"I thought this is what you fucking wanted? I remember you begging me to let you take the place of your friend in anyway you could. Don't you get it yet? You'd better work on that if you want me to take your offer seriously pretty boy." 

 

 

When Rick regained his senses he sat up, looking Negan right into the eyes. "Fuck you." He said again.

 

 

Negan hummed, getting up off the ground. "Not. Fucking. Yet." He kicked at Rick, then pressed his boot into Rick's hand. He shouted. "But soon, wouldn't want to keep that precious ass waiting." 

 

Rick could do it, he glanced at the man's boot, he could take the knife and stab the ass hole in the leg, climb on top of him and slit his throat. 

 

'And then what?'

 

 

Negan spat on him, he felt it land on his back, and then the boot was gone, along with the knife. 

 

 

'I'm such a coward.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally was gonna make this a hella darker chapter, but I had this scene with an apple in my head and couldn't ignore it. I think because of Michone and Rick sharing that Apple in bed... So I'm glad I went this way, I like this chapter. Poor Rick, I ruined apples for him!!  
> It's kinda hard trying to incorporate the group into the chapters when Rick and Negan are the main focus. So maybe I'm plotting something, we shall see. Also, it's crazy hard to work with a space that you only saw for a second on the show and it was poop dark. But I know there were like 5 big noticeable trees. So I'm doing my best.
> 
>  
> 
> Let me know how I'm doing! You guys don't know how much it means to me that I'm getting such great comments! ❤


	6. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If I had already had my dick up your ass, that would not be so easy to let slide."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very serious non-con in this chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> Early post, fortunately, cuz I gotta wake up butt early tomorrow!!

Negan had them put them in the the trailer on the back of the truck. Well, not him, they somehow crammed Michonne, Glenn, Carl, Abe, Rosita, and Aaron all locked in there. He overheard them saying something about him being locked in there with them would only cause give them bigger problems in case they had been plotting an escape. Too be honest, Rick had nothing. No ideas. He always relied on having his team there with him when coming up with a plan. He was sure they were thinking of something, but Negan had been cracking down on how much they could say to each other. Which is partly why he put them all in a box.

 

Rick was finally given his clothes back, everything but his boots and his socks. And even let him take a piss break. So there was a couple of things he could be grateful for, he was never one on being a free spirit and letting it all hang out. And the hungry looks in the other groups eyes was something else he could deal without. At least with it all covered he felt he could glare back without reason to being afraid.

 

 

'God, why was it taking the son of a bitch so long to get this over with? Stop dragging me through the mud and get it all over with.' Rick sighed, placing his head in between his knees, his toes clenched, and he dragged his hand through his hair and down his face in frustration. 

 

 

"Gettin bored over there?" One of the men guarding him chuckled. 

 

 

Rick spared him an annoyed 'screw you' look. 

 

 

"Hey, I wouldn't wanna get caught talkin ta him. Unless yuh wanna look like Jackson over there." The other man pointed the knife he was using to carve mindlessly at a stick towards the drying puddle of what used to be a man. Now just an amusement park for bugs.

 

 

"Naw, that was just fer touchin the boss's favorite toy, well one of his favorite toys." He winked at their prisoner. 

 

"Well, I wouldn't wanna take the risk." The man continued his spear making. "You s'pose we'll be movin soon? One of the sections mentioned a heard headin in from the south. I wouldn't wanna get caught in that shit storm. I hate sittin in one place fer to long." 

 

 

"Nah I wouldn't worry bout it too much. Negan's crazy, but he ain't stupid. B'sides," He glanced at Rick hungrily. "I 'ave a feelin we'll be dun 'ere n movin on ta the next place soon 'nuff." Words slurring as he stared more and more longingly at the hostage.

 

 

The men both laughed.

 

 

Two things happened at once. The man nervously slicing away at his stick dropped it and cursed, just as the RV door sprung open. Rick rolled his eyes at the clumsy man, surprised that these were the men had his people surrendering at their feet, and turned to look towards where the other sound. His heart stopped and he leapt to his feet. "CARL?!?" Carl was walking out of the RV holding a water bottle in his shaky hands. The boy didn't even look him in the eye, his head was down, hat covering most of his face,but Rick saw the tears running down his face. The way his son shivered a little at the sound of his voice. "Carl!" Rick snatched the nearly useless spear where it had rolled, just a foot in front of where he was sitting. 

 

 

"Aw hell!" The two men scrambled after him, but he was already ahead of them. 

 

 

Carl continued walking towards the trailer where his fellow team members were stored. Negan was at the bottom of the steps, holding the door open. It was the knowing grin that tipped Rick over the edge. "What the fuck did you dooo?!?" Rick spat out his accusation when the two men grabbed him from behind. 

 

 

"I just had a nice chat with your boy is all. Cute kid, you've done a bang up job raising him." 

 

 

"Urrrrrgh" Rick stabbed the guard in the foot with his own stick, with enough force to go right through. 

 

 

"Fuuuuuuck!!! You little bastard!" The man grabbed at his foot.

 

 

Rick was pummeled to the floor of the forest, but this time he fought back. That is until Negan reached him, his fist connected to Rick's face until he tasted a pool of blood into his mouth. 

 

 

"Daaad!" Carl wept out. 

 

 

He coughed in response.

 

 

A few more men ran up from their outposts to gather around. Negan pointed at a couple of them. "You two, get this dumbass' kid back in with the rest of them. And you, help him pull that God damned stick out of his foot, he's gonna attract walkers. Shit, I'll deal with this fucker." Rick felt the shoulders of his jacket bunch in the other man's fists and he was dragged to the still open doors of the RV. Then he was disposed to the floor. He got to his hands and knees dizzily. "Carl?" He grunted and gargled, spitting out specks of blood.

 

 

"Oh calm the fuck down." The villain kicked him into the narrow passage of the vehicle. 

 

 

Rick hadn't the strength to get back up. 

 

 

"Fuck!" Negan shouted. "Yuh finally done with your lil tantrum?" He waited a moment for an answer. Rick didn't give him one. "Okay, good." The other man sighed, falling into a seat and putting his feet up. "If I had already had my dick up your ass, that would not be so easy to let slide. But fuck, I'm to eager to pass that up. Besides, I don't know what made you think that was okay. Your people, I own them now."

 

 

"My son-" Rick sat up the best he could, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. "Isnt your property. Our deal is between us. None of that involves him." 

 

 

"Oh please. We just had a little chat, like a said. And I gave him a fucking bottle of water I found in this hunk of metal." He held one up. "See one for me, one for your people." He opened it and drank from it. "I know when to be fair. And I don't want to kill you idiots, I need you to work for me. When will you get that?" Negan bent over, bringing the bottle to Rick's mouth. "Here, you must be thirsty from your little outburst." Rick shoved his hand away, enough to get it out of his face, but careful enough not to dump it. "You know what?" The man's cool exposure faded instantly as he slammed the bottle on the table, some splashing out. "I think you still haven't learned you fucking place in this new world order." 

 

 

Rick was grabbed again, and dragged further back into the RV. The other man grunted a bit when he practically tossed Rick onto the cot he hadn't really remembered Negan bringing back in. Rick gasped as the air was sucked out of him. He'd fallen with absolutely no grace face first into the mattress but sideways so that his stomach landed on the side. He moaned pitifully into the fleece sheet, and began to push himself back up. Negan was right there behind him, shoving him back down, and filling in the space, stopping him from any struggling. He shed Rick of his jacket with some effort. Rick fought him the best he could until Negan took his hands with one of his own and pinned them to the bed.

 

"Nnng" The man's gloved hand went under his shirt, squeezing and grabbing at everything in bruising strength. He felt a scraggly beard at his neck, biting painfully at it then licking over the pierced skin. Negan repeated this all over the nape of his neck, sucking on his ears as well. The gloved hand traveled down and grabbed at his crotch, Rick pushed back unable to shake the larger man off then he shrunk forward. His heart was pounding in his ears and his breathing came out ragged. His pants were unbuckled and pulled down, ass hanging out. He felt the covered bulge behind him, parting his cheeks slightly. 

 

 

"Mmmm this is more like it." 

 

 

"Nnnng stop please." He felt the leather tease at his hole.

 

 

"Shhhh. Just let it happen." The fingers pushed in. Rick thrashed with what little room he had. "Like I keep telling you, you've already given me permission." He heard another belt undo and fabric shift. Negan spat onto his dick, working it around his already hard member. 

 

 

"Ready or not." The length was pushed into him. He screamed into the sheets, no longer needing to be held down, the pain in his lower half unbearable enough to keep him down. "Here I come." Then the man pulled out so that just a bit was still inside him, before slamming back in. Skin slapped together, one man moaning in delight and the other whimpering in a pain he'd never felt before. And Negan just get coming, picking up speed and pushing further in as he kept on. Rick wasn't sure how long it lasted, but his throat hurt from yelling and his mouth still bleeding, more now from trying to stop his noises of agony escaping by biting through his lips. And when Negan was finished he felt an unpleasant warmth fill him up deep inside, then pulling out before he'd completely emptied, seamen spilling out of him. 

 

 

Negan whistled as he got up to put himself away, and rubed a hand through Rick's hair. A hand coated with some of his cum he later realized. But before Negan exited the room though, Rick turned his face towards the other man. 

 

 

"I'm going to fucking kill you."

 

 

Negan laughed, grabbing his belly. "Good luck with that." He laughed his way out of the RV.

 

 

Once Rick was sure he was gone, he tried to get himself in order, but fell to the floor, curling into a ball and let himself weep. He could be strong for his family, but not right now. Right now, he felt worthless. But he swore, he'd fucking kill Negan even if he died trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How'd you guys like it? Let me know in the comments, I try to always comment back :)  
> Poor Rick :'(
> 
> Oh yeah I also decided on board/card game names for the chapters... I'm pretty proud of myself for that xD


	7. Mouse Trap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't get caught, easier said than done."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Swapped the last chapters name, this one is way more Mouse Trap sounding. Chapter 6 is Trouble.
> 
> Non-con

It was painfully slow. Rick trying to regain any of the strength he once had. Half of him wanted to hurry himself, to get himself out of this vulnerable position, his violated bits were still hanging out for God's sake! But the other half knew he was at had a greater chance of hurting himself more if he rushed. 

 

'What if Negan comes in for his sloppy seconds?... fuck it!' Rick pushed himself up off the floor, his head spinning, but he fought back. He tried not to gag when he heard a gush as Negan's seed and whatever else dribbled out of his throbbing hole. He made a point of not looking as he wiped at it with his boxers, tossing them aside to never be seen again. He slipped the rest of his clothes back into place, jacket as well, covering all the skin he could. He used the cot for stability as he lifted his deadweight body of the floor of the RV. The room spinning underneath him, his vision black and blurry around the edges, he was dehydrated. 

 

'Shoulda taken Negan's offer on the water. Maybe then I wouldn't be such a mess right now. Maybe he would have gone easier on me. Fuck this is my fau- no, I'm not feeling sorry for myself.' He breathed, in and out. In and out. Much better, the vehicle no longer felt like it was on the inside of a cement truck. 'Now to search for that water, and maybe some food. Hopefully Negan and his men didn't clear out everything. Maybe there's even a weapon somewhere, anything I can use to drive through his neck. No. We're still all prisoners.'

 

 

Rick supported himself by leaning on the sides of the RV and weakly making his way through. Seeing the water still sitting on the laminate counter, he pounced for it. Most of it was wastefully sloshed about the outside of the bottle, but if he was that desperate he would lick it up. Luckily he wasn't that desperate. Not yet. Tipping the plastic bottle back, he began rummaging through the counters. A few torn up up rag cloths, a box of matches with three matches left inside, rope, pain pills- downing a few, first aid gel, "I love you, Michonne" and reached for the chocolate bar. She could yell at him for eating her last one later. He smiled before remembering they're still in this mess, for now. He clenched the wrapper in a fist, part from a wave of pain, but mostly how furious he was. 

 

 

A tear sprung from his eyes and he punched one of the cabinets. Hard. Hard enough to break it. The cheap plank of wood fell, clattering onto the counter and then sliding to the floor. Rick calmed himself, wiping away his tear and dragging his hand through his hair nervously. He remembered the last thing Negan did to him, what would normally be playfully endearing, the memory of his hands rubbing his head and Rick nearly throwing up in the sink. But he kept it down, he'd need the calories. He thrashed out in anger again, kicking the already fallen cupboard door. 

 

He stopped. Nudged it once. There it was again. A jingle of metal. The injured man bent down carefully, body disagreeing with him as he went. He picked up the piece, seeing what made the noise, maybe it was just the metal hinges. Wait- keys! He snatched them up. They must've been on the counter when he, well lost his shit. They weren't keys to the RV, that was for sure. He hadn't ever seen these before and he'd bet his life on it that they were for the trailer his group was locked up in. They had to be. 

 

 

Maybe there was another way out of this after all. He placed the key to his swollen lips, he finally had hope. 

 

 

He'd have to wait for dark, even with someone always had two guards on him at all times besides when Negan had him pinned down underneath him. There was always shift changes or one needing to take a piss. He could easily snap one man's neck, maybe the other if he was worried, and take their weapons. They wouldn't expect it, he's been mostly compliant this entire time. He could sneak into the truck and just drive. He could do this. He'd have to hide the keys though, that shouldn't be too difficult considering what he's been through and what he's planning. 

 

 

The leader of Alexandria checked out the window of the RV. Negan must've left the campsite, or at least the immediate area, because he wasn't anywhere to be seen. There were a few guards out in the forests small opening, several men surrounding the small fire, preparing their next meal, and one man leaning against the Rv door. Asleep.

 

 

"Alright, so plan B." Rick began searching for any useful possible Plan B items. 

 

 

Red flashed in the corner of his eye. Gas tank. He walked over to it and shook it, being sure to keep an eye out of the windows. Hmm maybe a fourth full. More than enough. Eugene. That's how they must've got him, when he stopped for fuel. Jumped him, beat the shit out of him, filled up some of the RV and kept the rest. "Thank God they're not thinkers." He took the tank back with him. 

 

Before starting, he needed to open the top hatch of the camper. Silently, without drawing any attention to himself whatsoever, otherwise he was out of a plan and out of ideas. "Don't get caught, easier said than done." He groaned as he climbed on top of the counters, and after sparing one more glance out of the blinds, he slowly unattached the latch and propped it open. Not even a creak. He kept his sigh of relief to himself until this was all finished.

 

Hopping down he gathered a few of the rags, the match box, and- okay, no way to get the gas can out without making too much noise. The man placed the ripped cloth into the sink and doused them with gas there. Enough that it'd be sure to catch flame quick, but not too much that it was dripping everywhere. But what would he hold it with, to decrease the risk of setting his own hands on fire? "Damn." He murmured, looking over to wherever he had disposed of his underwear. 'Its not ideal, but it's a much better way to get rid of the memory' he thought, shivering back the violent memory. 

 

 

After grabbing everything he needed, putting the items he could into his pockets. He placed his ball of oil soaked mesh onto the roof first and then hoisted his body up next. 

 

He was not expecting the pain. It shot up his arms and down his spine, his legs jittering beneath him. It all felt like hot needles poking him all over, and then all of them stabbing him at once. He focused on the sky, clouds heading the way towards home, good, hopefully that means rain. It was bright, but bound to be dark within the next few hours. Kill Negan, then head back to Alexandria, maybe they'll beat the clouds home. That would be nice, he closed his eyes, imagining the rain pouring down his face.

 

 

He got to the roof of the RV. 

 

 

He had one chance at this, he could screw it up. He needed to get this done, in and out, without being caught. They were dumb enough to believe the ground would instantaneously catch on fire. Probably. Hopefully. 

 

 

He slid down the further side of the vehicle, staying low, keeping his eyes open for any movement. Good, this side was clear. He just breathed through the pain, he's been through worse, he could survive this. He will survive this.

 

 

He ascended the left edge, placing the ball of cloth in one elbow, using his feet to grip any ledges. When he felt dry leaves and pebbles touch his callous toes, he ducked. Staying low to the ground, he made his way straight into the tree line. Not too far, but far enough they wouldn't hear him on the other side of camp. He piled leaves, glancing up at the other men still chattering away by the fire. He half buried the gasoline drenched ball under the stack, squeezing some onto the tree in front of them and the leaves themselves. Taking the matches from his pocket, he searched his surrounding once more, before lighting away. The fire caught instantaneously.

 

 

In a crouched run he made his way back behind the RV and waited.

 

 

"Holy shit!" He heard them all bark out a comment before he went around to the truck behind the other vehicle. He quietly popped the passenger side door open, sliding, leaving the door slightly cracked behind him. Keeping his ears open for any change, and checking the rearview mirrors. 'Okay, they're trying to piss the fire out. Good luck.'

 

 

In the truck Michonnes katana lay. Just there on the seats, like it was nothing. He slid the back slot opening to the trailer and his family. 

 

 

"Rick?" An exhausted Michonne called from the dark whole between them.

 

 

"Daaad?" 

 

 

Rick almost broke down then and there. Just hearing their voices, they all sounded exhausted, shit it had to be a hundred degrees in there at least. Or worse. Fucking hot box. "Yeah, .... it's me." His voice wavered.

 

 

"We blowing this shit hole?" He heard Abe ask.

 

 

"Tonight. I swear, I'm getting us out tonight."

 

"Rick." Michonne said knowingly. "Whatever you're thinking, it's not worth it. It's better for us if we just go, if we come back. When we come back, we'll be ready for a fight. None of us are any condition to do so now. Just let it go. Just for now."

 

Rick looked away, it was getting harder to breathe. "I can't let it go. He'll come after us. I can kill him and end this tonight. Take these." He hands her the keys through the slot. She takes them, knowing he won't listen to reason. "And here." He sends in her sword, it's awkward, but it works.

 

"Don't be an idiot!" "Rick you are one tough son'v'bitch." "Youre not doing this for us, you're just doing this for you own pride."

 

That last one hurt. "Carl. I'm getting us out of this, I promise you, I am. But I need to do this first." He chokes.

 

 

"You are a fool Rick Grimes."

 

 

"I know. And I'm sorry. I lo-" 

 

 

The doors on both sides swing open. "Well lookie what we got here, boys. How cute." Then he's pulled from the truck, back landing hard on rocks. He yells out as those burning needles come back. Much worse.

 

 

"Rick?!?" "Dad!" 

 

 

"Oh shut the hell up!" The man on the other side says, slamming that door closed. 

 

 

"Don't worry, you guys will get it next." Negan holds the other open for a moment more, then looks down on his prey. "You're sly, you must be pretty fucking proud of yourself." He stomped down on Ricks balls, making him curl inwards and groan. "Go get that bed out of the rustbucket there and bring it out for everyone to see. We're getting all four last fucks in tonight. And then we'll pass around the rest of em. I'm sure a few of my men are into all sorts of kinky shit."

 

"No!" Rick begged. 

 

 

"We are so fucking past second chances here Rick. You asked for this." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It shouldn't hurt as much as the first time, should it? Wasn't that how it worked? 

 

 

The gloved hand held him down at the throat as he screamed himself hoarse. Men laughing and moaning around him. A constant pounding in his bloodied ass, his body contorted in a way it should. His pant leg still hanging on to one ankle, twisting him up. His knees nearly touched the sheets his head was pinned to. Rick's own dick was bouncing lifeless off his own chest. Nothing about this felt good. He'd take the creepy sensual massaging over this. Or the cum spilling over his body or choking it's way down his throat. He'd take anything. Anything but this pain.

 

 

"No. This is better than them making up for my mistakes." He cried longingly to the trailer where his loved ones were. 

 

 

"Nnnnnng please- please- stop- fuuuck." 

 

 

Negan growled like an animal and spit into Rick's mouth. It was so demeaning.

 

 

"Fuuuck. Fuck you!" He gasped. "I'm gonna! Murder you- nnng!" Negan shifted his pricks angle, scraping at the sides of his beaten how.

 

 

"Yeah. Yeah that's it. Keep talking. That does fucking wonders." 

 

 

"Gahhhh!" Rick felt Negan spill deep inside him. He threw up.

 

 

"You're fucking disgusting. You really don't know how to treat a man after a good screw." Negan began to move off the small creaky bed, fixing himself up before turning Rick over, ass up. 

 

That was a crowd pleaser.

 

He heard the villainous bastard whistle his way around him, he couldn't look. Just listen. He didn't want to move. He just wanted it to be over.

 

 

"Whelp, I was gonna choose the lucky bastard to fuck you next. But that hole is so God damned lubed up, my mind started to wander places." Wood hit the bed frame.

 

 

"Nnnno." 

 

 

"Yyyyeeesss." Negan stuck the bat in his face. "Don't worry, I'm not planning on destroying that hole just yet. We'll just start with the handle first and make our way down. How does that sound men?" 

 

 

Cheering began.

 

 

"Alright! I mean, we couldn't leave poor ole Lucille out of all this fun, could we?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *phew* this chapter took me allll day to do, I don't do early wake ups so well, so that was part of the reason. But yay.... I mean noo! Poor Rick, when will the pain end :?(
> 
> So you guys are amazing. Feel free to comment, I love hearing from all of you, it's a tough journey, this story, I'm glad we're doing it together.
> 
> Oh, and a heads up, or may not be able to post tomorrow. My Birthday is on Tuesday, but my man works, so he's taking me out tomorrow instead :) Soooo probably gonna update again sometime on Tuesday, sorry :|


	8. Scrabble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Now that we got the whole happy fucking family together, we can begin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a short chapter... eh sorry :(  
> Got a little lazy on my birthday and I just really wanted to make a different kind of turning point in the story. Enjoy!

"No- not that. You're not- you're sick, you're fucking sick." Rick drooled into the sweat drenched itchy cot. 

 

 

"And you're still pretty fuckin feisty for someone whose literally been tore a new one." Negan mocked, flicking his tender hole. It was hurting, throbbing from being stretched and slightly torn. It felt scratched, drying from the seamen and from what he could tell, blood as well. He'd never experienced this pain, but he had experienced pain before. Physically and mentally. He could deal with this pain. He was strong enough, he had something to live for. 

 

 

But. It wasn't the pain, or at least not the outward pain. It was the humiliation. Could he live with himself after all this? Could his family still look up to him as their leader? Michonne as her lover? Carl and Judith as their father? No he didn't think so. That was what he asked for though, Negan kept telling him, and now he finally understood. There was no way to get out of this with his dignity still intact. He'd lost all self respect for himself. It was over. If he couldn't be a leader for himself, he couldn't be a leader for Alexandria.

 

 

It was over. At least for him. But he had to make it count for something.

 

 

"Hey, let's make a real show out of this, why don't we get everyone out for this." 

 

 

Rick let out a whimper. "You bastard."

 

 

"C'mon, let's get them out here." Negan laughed, sending his men to the truck. 

 

 

Rick clenched his eyes shut, sending a silent prayer they don't see the keys or Michonne's sword that he gave them earlier. The sky was darkening and his men had been getting lazy, mostly with them not doing much but guarding the temporary campsite. They wouldn't notice. He'd hoped.

 

 

"Get yer asses out here!" A man he recognized by the half burned face as Dwight. He hadn't seen him much since they sent Daryl and the rest of them for medical care. 

 

 

Rick watched them file out of the trailer. Abe still trying to pass as unfazed, sweat drenched every part of him. All of them. He helped Rosita out, grabbing her arm, which she weakly shook off at first, but complied eventually. Aaron stumbled out, landing on his knees, before the others could catch him. Glenn who fell out after looked as if he was about to or already had passed out, his face paled when he saw this was not their rescue. Carl kicked and punched towards the direction of the guards, but failed to hit any, hat falling off his sticky perspiration filled hair. Michonne grabbed her arms around him, protecting him from the possible repercussions and himself. They weren't in any kind of state to fight.

 

 

"Glad you could join us! Damn, you all look like shit." Negan swung Lucille pointedly at them. "Now that we got the whole happy fucking family together, we can begin." 

 

 

Rick stared at them a little bit longer, most of them sitting there with their heads hanging. Ready to be done. Ready to go home. Abe still managed to have a steady glare at their captor. But Michonne, she was looking at him, a sad tired look in her eyes. He wished he could just wake up from this horrible dream in her arms in their bed, and that none of this ever happened and he could just forget it. But there was no forgetting this. Not ever.

 

 

"Just get it over with." 

 

 

"Finally understanding your position." He pat at Rick. "And gladly." The man moved beside him, lying the dangerous bat by his legs. He could feel just how sharp the wire tied tightly to it as it pricked his skin a tad. His breathing picked up. "You're so fucking lucky I took the time to lube you up." The man's gloved fingers went to strained ass. He was right, it still hurt, but the fingers went in and out with ease. 

 

 

It was so shameful.

 

 

"I think yuh need a little more preparation. Heh, got an idea." He reached down to his boot. "Hmm where the hell did I put my knife? Are well." He snapped his fingers towards another man. "Hey, hand me the gun we found on the kid. Your old man is really going to have to thank you for this." He looked back at Carl, who looked like he was going to be sick. "You really are a one eyed wonder." Laughing at his own joke, he took the gun with Lucille scrawled on the side from one of his men. "Now, I probably don't have to tell you this. But one wrong move and this very well could be your ass on the line." A few of his men chuckled at the pun. "And I wouldn't try and make me angry either." Then he parted Rick's rear cheeks and plunged the gun forward. 

 

 

It was frightening. It was awkward and uncomfortable. And it was dehumanizing.. 

 

 

The cold tip made him shiver as it poked hot flesh. Negan plowed it back and forth. He let it bob up and down. 

 

 

Rick tried to think of something, anything that could help him escape from the demeaning moment.

 

'Oh god what if he decided to pull the trigger and just end it all?!?' 

 

 

A gun shot went off. 

 

 

His whole body froze in horror, heart picking up, pumping blood faster, his breathing became erratic as he pictured his end. He didn't feel anything, no pain, but that had to be from the shock. He'd been shot before, before all of this happened. He remembers falling to the ground and not being able to get up because the pain and fear. Mostly the fear. Maybe it would have been better if Rick never woke from that hospital bed.

 

 

He feels the cold metal ripped outside of him. He hears yelling all around him, none of it reaching his ears. All he could hear was his heart beating. Until Michonne was there pulling him up and pulling his clothes on or off, he couldn't tell which. She was in his face, mouth moving, but no words coming out that he could hear. She was pulling him up. Rushing him. He pushed her away and fell to the ground. His ears were ringing but he saw everyone running every which way. His group already headed to the trailer, Rosita getting it started while Abe lead them all to the truck and made himself ready if he needed to fight anyone off. Carl was standing behind Michonne, he appeared to be yelling at him. His mouth wording 'Get up!' Repeatedly until finally.

 

"Up! Dad get up! We need to go! Get up!" Carl cried. 

 

 

"Rick we need to go. Now!" Michonne tried to pick him up, but before she could a walker stumbled from behind him, crashing into her. Glenn noticed, and grabbed her katana, but he was too far and too slow to reach her as she struggled to keep its jaw away from taking a bite out of her arm. 

 

"On your right!" Carl called, jamming forward with the knife in his hand, right into the skull of the walker. Hmm, crafty kid, must have been the cause of Negan's missing knife. 

 

 

"We need to hurry!" She gasped. Gun shots rang in the distance, groans and moans followed. They were getting closer. "They won't be gone for lo-" her eyes widened. "Rick!" 

 

 

He was still on the ground, fallen on the gravel, just beside the small bed. Why hadn't he gotten up? Why damn it?!?

 

 

There was a pain in his right hand. Flesh torn off. It happened so fast. His lover and his son flew into action, lifting the mattress away and kicking at the familiar dark skinned walker still connected to rope off of him and swiftly stabbing through its head.

 

It seemed to all happen in slow motion for Rick as he was lifting his trembling, injured hand up. It was bleeding, but not enough to miss the unmistakable bite mark. That was it. That was it? One bite after all this and it was over for him. After all this. Why?

 

 

The last thing he remembered was glancing up to Michonne charging him with her samurai sword in her hands and gasping out sweet apologies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no dat cliffhanger tho!  
> Haha
> 
> Sorry again, kinda short and late. But wooh! I'm 21 now and ate root beer gummies just to prove how adult I am lol  
> And sorry!!! Ricks hand had to go, ask Andrew Lincoln, he'll agree with me xD  
> I just wanted something different, and this is what I came up with. Poor Rick, this is why I can't have nice things.
> 
> I'd love to hear from you guys, I'm always in the mood for comments hehe :)  
> Thanks for reading!


	9. Tic Tac Toe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something was missing.

It all happened in flashed. None of the images made any sense, he didn't know where he was or who was with him. He heard voices, but he couldn't depict any of them or even listen to what they were saying. Faces weren't registering in his mind, and he couldn't focus long enough to figure them out. His head was spinning, he didn't remember getting up, so he slipped and fell into a violent crimson sheet. It wrapped around him, smothered him, soaking him to the bone. Something metallic burst on his tongue. Someone was touching him, possibly comforting him, or maybe hurting him. Everything was hurting. Something was missing.

 

 

Rick passed out after that.

 

 

 

 

Rick couldn't open his eyes, his eyes were too heavy. His mouth was desperately dry, but he couldn't move his tongue to gather spit to swallow and lessen the desert growing in his throat. He heard the word water. Was that his voice, he sounded terrible. But who cares, he was just so thirsty. The man heard someone moving, more muttering and yelling. Someone was rubbing his face, it felt nice, but he felt like he was dying. He felt something touch his lips. Yes water. He needed water. He could barely breathe. The liquid passed through his mouth and down his throat, at first it was drowning him, but the gentle hands relaxed him and he was able to drink. He felt lips at his forehead before he drifted away again. 

 

 

 

 

Shouting is what woke Rick up the next time. Cursing and banging. He sensed they were in some sort of vehicle, the floor rumbling beneath him, the squeezing of the breaks as they were slowing down. 

 

 

"Please don't!" There was another slam before they came to a jolting stop.

 

 

"Fucking idiot!" Oh that voice. His mind was slow, almost drugged in feeling, but that voice still sent a chill throughout his entire body. Or the parts he could feel, at least. 

 

There were more loud bangs, hurting his ears, then grunts, a screech of a creaky door, and a thud. Someone stomped and yelled out an order he didn't hear and the vehicle began moving underneath him once more. Uhh too fast, he felt his body turn and something acidic followed, causing him to throw up wherever he was. There was the gentle hands again, sifting through his hair, rubbing his scalp.

 

 

"Oh c'mon, he'd better not be fucking infected. You just witnessed what I do to one of my own that's been bit."

 

 

"He is fine! I removed it before it could spread any further." The voice startled and comforted him at the same time. 

 

 

Boots stepped closer, the sound of a slap and groan hit his ear, jostling him slightly. "I don't appreciate your tone missy. You're lucky we had the shit to tie up and cauterize him from bleeding out all over the fucking place. Which he still managed to do. You wouldn't have even made it halfway without him losing so much he'd croak. You're fucking fortunate we let you come." The sound of feet backing away. "Don't expect my hospitality to come freely."

 

 

"I told you you'd get what's promised to you." The female whispered.

 

 

A clap rung through the air. "That's some damn serious dedication to your piss stained leader you got there." The man scoffed. 

 

 

He could sense the scrunched up potty lips, and glare under her brows as she spoke. "That's love. But someone like you wouldn't know anything about that."

 

 

There was a pause before the man let out a big laugh. The last thing Rick heard before falling back into unconsciousness.

 

 

 

 

Pain, enough to make him scream before he even realized he was, is what brought Rick out of his darkness. His head spun, eyes blinking to see what was causing this torturous torment, but everything shone to bright. People were touching him. No longer the loving hands he recognized. These were rough, uncaring people that were hauling him to wherever. He kicked out, wriggling his way free and thumping onto the concrete floor. He yelled out more, the pain flaring even more from his helpless actions. 

 

"-nne- chonnne! Mi.... Michonne!!" He shouted without even thinking.

 

"Shit! Are you serious? You can't handle a guy with one fucking arm, really?" The voice Rick remembered belonged to Negan yelled. "Gotta do everything yourself these days if you want anything to get done." He mocked under his breath before walking over. There was a hard kick from a boot hitting him hard and fast in the head, then he was out.

 

 

Just before his head fell back into involuntary slumber, many questions raced through his mind. Where was he? Why was Michonne here? Where was the rest of his group? What happened? When will this be over? And what the fuck did Negan mean when he said he only had one fucking arm?!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, another short chapter :P I think as I near the end of stories, or feel like I'm closing in on the end, I try and space it out so it seems longer. Which means chapters are stories.
> 
> Hope to get some comments, luv yuh guys! Thanks for reading :)


	10. Guess Who?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Shh, shhhh." Negan hushed at him, hot breath in his ear. "You're gonna like this next bit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-con

Rick opened his eyes slowly, squinting as they adjusted, his head was pounding. There were thin stained sheets covering him and what felt like a flat pillow underneath his aching head. Even if was better than waking up on the ground, he still was far from comfortable. 

 

 

He shot up, the creak of the small bed he was on echoed loudly in the empty room. "Where am I?" He groaned, rubbing his hand over his face and through his growing scruff. 

 

"Gah!" Rick gasped, a strange painful memory flashing in his mind. He stared at his hand, then rubbed his eyes. It was still there. He began to push himself up to the edge of the bed. But he didn't feel his right hand touch. Rick glanced down, raising his arm up, hurting more than it should to do so. But it was the numbness that bothered him

 

"Uhhnng." His whole body and mind froze, eyes shaking as he stared at his right hand. Or what should be his right hand, but instead was just a nub wrapped in white bandage slightly splattered in red covering just below his elbow all the way to what was his wrist, where his arm stopped. And his had was just gone.

 

The leader was ripping the sheets off of him, jumping to the floor. The floor was freezing under his toes, but he didn't care. His heart was beating and his body was moving. To where, he didn't know. He stumbled, crashing into shelves beside him, not noticing he knocked things all over the floor. Along with himself. "Nnng." 

 

 

"Holy fucking hell on a shit stick." A voice came from a corner of the room. "I suppose you aren't gonna get your ass back in bed on your fucking own, are you?" The man holding him captive stepped closer, sighing dramatically.

 

 

Rough hands reached around him. Rick swung his good arm towards the other body, kicking and punching. He didn't even stop when he felt fist connect with Negan's cheek.

 

 

The other man spat out blood to Rick's delight, but then hands were around his neck. "Damn, you're struggling more than you were with my cock inside you. Maybe if I pull it out that would make you hold fucking still." Rick couldn't stop his shaking, but his mind finally caught up him, causing him to realize where he was and his position. "Hmm, just mentioning my dick calms you. Or maybe you felt my hard on." The man rubbed against him and laughed. "So, you gonna let me put you back in the fucking bed like a fucking civilized person or should I just stick it in you right here on the floor like a fucking animal?" 

 

 

Rick immediately nodded, he was already so dizzy, both from the shock and being choked by Negan. "Bed's good." He mumbled.

 

 

"Fucking thought so." The bigger man wrapped his arms around his shoulder and chucked him onto the bed, play tucking him in so he could touch him all over. Rick felt disgusting.

 

 

Negan stepped away, grinning widely. There was a squeak of a metal chair being pulled up off the floor and set down beside the bed. Negan took a seat, propping his dirty boots on the cot, squishing Rick's shins. "You are one lucky son of a bitch, you know that?"

 

 

"You really see it as luck that I'm missing my fucking hand?" Rick growled, lifting his right limb. If Negan could see the ghost hand Rick felt, he'd know he was flipping him off.

 

 

"Ha, shit, yuh got me there. No. You're lucky you've got people that care whether you live of die. Or turn into one of them rotters. God damn, I lost some good- well hell, none of us are good- but I lost some men to that hoard of fucking corpses. And then all your fuckers got away without a scratch on you, well besides you, you're fucking screwed. Or you should have been. But your damn girlfriend karate chopped your whole fucking hand off. I would have put it on ice, but didn't have any and I don't fucking care. You'll live. And you can still bring in your share of supplies. Hell, I could cut your dick off and you'd still do what I ordered. Not me. But somebody, maybe your girlfriend, she seemed pretty damn good with her hands. Fixing you up, and other things."

 

 

Rick ignored his inclination. "Where-" His voice cracked, throat drying. "Where is she? Where is Michonne?" 

 

 

"Somewhere." The man dropped his feet to the floor, leaning forward towards Rick.

 

 

"Where! What did you do to her?"

 

 

"Wherever. She's fucking fine. Er, well, she's alive. She's just taking care of some- paperwork." He shrugged.

 

 

"You fucking bastard. If I find out you've hurt her, anything at all, you're-"

 

"Yeah yeah, you're gonna fucking kill me. You told me that already. And, I mean, good luck. I'd be pretty fucking amazed if you managed that." Negan joked, staring at Ricks bandaged wrist. "You know, I'm betting you can't even give yourself a damned good handjob anymore. Now that sucks."

 

 

Rick gulped. He didn't want to know where this was heading.

 

 

"I'm in a very generous mood today. And I really wanna see you squirm." The man got up from his chair quickly, it scraping against the floor then tipping over noisily, making Rick start.

 

 

Negan clambered onto the small cot, the weight of both men causing it to screech beneath them. Rick was already untangling from the sheets to get away, but Negan was faster. He sat behind him, towering over the smaller man. He wrapped his arms around him and held Rick's to his chest. The shorter leader, still feeling the effects of whatever pain killers he was on, could only smack his legs around. Ankles hitting the edge of the metal frame painfully, but doing nothing to help him away from the maniac trapping him. 

 

 

"Shh, shhhh." Negan hushed at him, hot breath in his ear. "You're gonna like this next bit." 

 

 

One of Negans large dry hands began to roam his body. He hadn't realized, or cared in his state of mind, until now how naked he was and felt. All he had was the sheet, which was now tangled in his legs, and thin pair of boxers on. His skin reacted to the touch be causing a shiver to crawl over him, goosebumps and shakes. The man hummed into his ear, then dropped his hand onto his thigh.

 

 

"Don't do this." He pleaded out his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut, already knowing he was doomed.

 

 

Negan blew into his ear. "When will you learn I do whatever the fuck I want?" Then he moved both hands down and began removing the one chance Rick had at dignity. He was fully nude then, practically sitting on the other man's lap. Negan rubbed his hands all over him, testing their grounds, tweaking anything that got out any kind of rise from him. 

 

It was only a matter of time. When it came to that part of his body, it didn't matter how much he didn't want it, he couldn't stop blood from heading south. The twitch his body gave didn't get past Megan's notice, much to Rick's regret. 

 

 

His one hand shot down to Negan's when it first touched his sensitive bits. All he could do was wrap around the other man's in a small failed attempt to pull it off, but fear got the better of him. He was completely vulnerable under his power. He squeezed the arm, sure to puncture the skin and slow the blood flow at least. But not enough to stop him or even cause real damage. He was useless.

 

 

Rick felt his dick grow harder, the one behind him as well. He didn't want this to feel good. 

 

The large finger wrapper around his member, moving up and down quickly, slightly painful. This wasn't happening to make him feel good, it was just another push further down in the hole Rick was already in. It was to make him understand just how weak he was. And just how powerful Negan was.

 

 

He felt how close he was getting, disgusted as his own body betrayed him. He let out a shaky breath. Another hand fondled his balls. The sound of skin slapping. He wanted it to be over.

 

 

Until it was actually over and he had to sit there, staring down at Negan's hands that were now covered in his cum. And then he just felt worse. 

 

 

Negan grabbed the already filthy blanket and wiped the mess away. "Good boy." He pet Rick then rose from the bed. "See, I told you you'd like it. All along, this is what you wanted, little slut."

 

 

Rick was even more exhausted than he knew. Everything catching up with him all at once. He didn't want to fall asleep, but there was nothing he could do. With his eyes opening and closing, harder to open and staying closed longer with each blink, he saw Negan, staring down at him. That wide fucking toothy grin on his face. Knowing he's won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments last chapter :) 
> 
> Sorry if there were any mistakes, it's past 3am here and bleh
> 
> Just a few more chapters I think :'( I meant for this to last until at least summer, but instead it's been more like 2 weeks xD  
> I just need season 7 to get here now!!! More story ideas that way as well!  
> Tell me how I'm doin :)


	11. Wheel of Fortune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No worries. We're not too bad off, closer to home than Hilltop. Maybe a days away journey or so, depending on if we stop or find a running car. We might have to stop, find shelter, look for wa-"
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> "I'm fine." Rick snapped, he didn't need to be coddled.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> "-ter. I'm parched." She smacked her lips. "And we'll get there, but we don't need to work ourselves to nothing before we get there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a turn of events  
> ALSO! sorry I changed the name of the previous chapter because I decided I wanted it to be for this one instead. Hopefully that doesn't happen again. I get ahead of myself.

The surface beneath him bounced and shook, jolting him out of unconsciousness. Rick panicked, he couldn't see, and he was breathing in fabric, there was obviously some sort of cloth bag over his head. He began hyperventilating, only causing the inside of the bag to heat up, making it worse. At least he was completely dress, so that was one less thing to worry about. 

 

Rick brought his shaking hand towards his neck, remembering he only had the one hand, to take the cloth away, but other hands grabbed at it before he could. He flinched, started but the contact. But the slender worked fingers clasped with his, thumbs embracing and rubbing gently. 

 

"Michonne?" He voice cracked, raw emotion pouring out of his voice.

 

"Shhh, we're going to be alright" She hushed, moving herself closer to him, doing her best to hug him closer with her tied hands. 

 

He welcomed it, shivering into her despite the heat. He hadn't known if he'd ever feel her again. He hadn't known if Negan would change the rules on him, keep him forever or kill him. Or what he'd don't with Michonne. Rick wouldn't have been able to live with himself if something had happened to her. 

 

He scooted closer and relished the way their bodies melded perfectly.

 

 

 

The vehicle they were in skid to a stop, the sound of dirt and rocks under tires. A door opened and then foot steps approaching outside his door followed. His door slid open. "A'right get the fuck out. This is yer stop." A arm pulled him out of Michonne's and onto the gravel road. "You too bitch." And then there was a grunt, sounding like someone getting the air kicked out of them. A couple more thuds followed, grunts, and then the door slid shut. Another door opening, things cluttering to the ground while the man cursing the entire time.

 

Rick didn't move until he knew the man was back in his truck and driving away. 

 

 

"Michonne?" He mumbled, pushing himself off the ground. "Michonne?" He waited for her to answer. "Michonne!" He yelled, fiddling with the bag over his head, trying to rip it off but he was shaking so much.

 

 

He heard a moan and a sigh. Dirt shifting around before, "'M here, Rick."

 

 

Rick ripped the bag away from his face and looked down at her. She'd rolled over onto her back, he could tell she started out on her stomach, it was covered in dust. She'd already taken the bag off up to her forehead.

 

 

She looked terrible. Her thick luscious lips had been split, blood already dried and crusted. Her dark eyes were surrounded in bruising and appeared sunken in from exhaustion. There was a small lick of a cut at her neck where someone had pressed and held a knife at for some time. Her skin was dry. She looked awful, but Rick had never been happier to see her. The one other time he could compare it to was after the prison, when they were all separated and he and Carl saw her through the peephole on the porch. But he didn't know how he felt for her back then. 

 

 

"What're you looking at me like that for?" She pulled the the rest of the bag off, sitting up. She looked up at him hesitantly, and a slight playful twitch of her eyebrow.

 

 

Rick fell to his knees in front of her and wrapped his hands around her in a tight hug. His one hand squeezing her tight as if she was his only sense of reality, and if he let go, he'd wake up in Negan's instead. Michonne let out a big sigh, laying her head on his shoulder, returning the embrace the best she could with her hands still tied.

 

 

They sat like that until there was a sudden bang and unintelligible gargle. They both turned to see the walker that had just stumbled into a trash can and fallen over. 

 

 

"Rick." She looked pointedly behind him to where the man had dumped some of their things. Michonne's katana, his hatchet, and a paper that seemed to be a map. 

 

He reached for the axe on instinct, but it felt awkward in his left hand. He wasn't new to needing wield in both hands before, but it was typically for balance or worst case scenario. Hell after Carl was shot in Alexandria, he still only had one weapon. And balance was not something he'd ever have again. 

 

 

The walker stumbled over, he waited for it to come to him to swing. His aim was sloppy, he missed it's skull, carving off part of it's face instead. 

 

"Rick!" Michonne was getting to her feet, struggling with the lack of her hands and both of them were too tired for this right now.

 

He swung again, but had already stumbled into him, pushing him onto the ground under its weight. He'd dropped the weapon as well, so he lied there hold its neck back with his nub, using his hand to reach for the hatchet.

 

Before he could, Michonne had it and jammed it into its head, finishing it off and then slicing the rope from her wrists. She kicked the body off of him and started to pull him up.

 

 

Rick shoved away and she stepped back, slightly surprised. "I could've have handled it. I had it under control." He stood beside her, facing the opposite way.

 

 

"Okay." She looked at him out of the corner of her eyes.

 

 

"I'm not useless just because I'm-" He lifted his right arm and looked to wear his hand should have been.

 

 

Her eyes softened. "I never said you were." She faced him, placing an hand on his back. "Because you aren't, you're far from useless."

 

 

He wanted badly to lean into her more, but he didn't know what was wrong with him. "Sure." He sounded colder than he meant to be, he couldn't explain it, it was just like something flipped a switch. One moment he was so happy to her he felt like all the bad was over, and then the next he just remembered.

 

'Maybe I'm just tired.' He told himself, dragging his hand down his sweaty face.

 

 

"C'mon let's get the fuck outa here." He said, not wanting to get into feelings yet. He was ready to see the rest of his family. He needed to be sure they were okay.

 

 

"Yeah, alright." Michonne rubbed his back endearingly once more before moving away to grab their things. She studied the map while Rick caught his breath.

 

 

"Want me to take a look?" He asked as she was slipping the map into her back pocket.

 

"No worries. We're not too bad off, closer to home than Hilltop. Maybe a days away journey or so, depending on if we stop or find a running car. We might have to stop, find shelter, look for wa-"

 

 

"I'm fine." Rick snapped, he didn't need to be coddled.

 

 

"-ter. I'm parched." She smacked her lips. "And we'll get there, but we don't need to work ourselves to nothing before we get there."

 

 

"Fine. Let's move." He stepped on the corpse's head and ripped his weapon out, rotten blood splattering out. Ricks started walking forward on the road.

 

He heard his parter clear her throat, and looked back at her. She hadn't moved from her original spot. She was just standing there, smile on her face. She tipped her head back. "This way big guy."

 

 

Normally Rick would joke back with her or at least act flustered, but that anger was still eating at him. Her smile fell and a concerned sad look replaced it. He ignored it and passed her, now walking the right way. She followed silently.

 

 

 

 

 

They'd been walking for hours without running into any real trouble. Other than Michonne being right about their deminishing energy and dehydration. The sun baring down on them didn't help, but at least it was beginning to go down. Which was both good and bad.

 

 

They had found an empty gas station to rummage through and cool down in for awhile. There wasn't much, but they'd found an unopened can of pop to share and some fruit leathers. "We should stay here for the night." She stated in between chews when Rick got up, she could tell he was getting antsy, sitting around for so long.

 

 

"No, we've taken a long enough break as it is. Let's keep goin." She gave him a look that just said 'Really?'. "I can keep going, I'm fine. Or at least I will be once we get home. I just don't want to waste anymore time." 

 

 

"Who said anything about you?"

 

 

He looked at her in the dark, she looked even more exhausted that before. He wondered if he looked as bad as her. He shook his head, not wanting to think about it.

 

 

"You're right, 'm sorry. I just thought we'd be back by now." 

 

 

"Rick. It's okay, we'll make it." She had gotten up from her spot of the floor and approached him careful, hugging him from behind. 

 

 

He welcomed it. 

 

 

"We should talk. About what happened."

 

 

His mind flashed, memories of Negan on him. He broke from her embrace. "Here come help me push this in front of the door." He said without looking at her.

 

 

She helped him and didn't push the topic again the rest of the night.

 

 

 

 

Rick woke up covered in sweat, and he was breathing heavy. His head and heart pounding at the same beat. He glanced over at Michonne, who he'd rolled slightly away from in his sleep fortunately. He didn't want to wake her up, it would only give her reason to ask questions or add on to her concern.

 

 

He snuck out. Just to get fresh air. He'd taken his weapon just in case.

 

 

 

 

He hadn't realized the sun was up. Or that he never went back. He didn't know when he started or why. He'd just remembered feeling so sick and angry that he needed to do something to take his mind off it all. He thought working on using his left hand would be a good use of his time.

 

He didn't mean to push her away and nearly attack her. He was just startled. 

 

 

"I'm sorry! Shit!" Sweat dripped off his nose, he was having trouble breathing and he didn't know how to explain himself. He helped Michonne up after tossing his weapon to the ground. "'M sorry." He dropped his head, clenching his eyes shut tight. 

 

Michonne moved her hand to his scruffy cheek, pushing his wet hair away from his face. She reached up and pressed her lips to his for an instant. 

 

"I don't- I- can't." He breathed. "Can we not talk about it? Not right now." He sighed.

 

 

"Alright. But promise me you'll tell me when something like this is going to happen again." She pointed behind him. "And promise me you won't try to tough it out. You're not alone in this."

 

 

Rick forced a nod. "Yeah. I know. You're right." He said, voice gruff from exertion.

 

 

Michonne smiled, still with a twinge of concern, but in attempt to lighten the mood. "Now officer Grimes, you'll find I'm ALWAYS right." She tapped his cheek before moving her hand away. 

 

 

He smiled despite himself. "Let's hit the road. We've been out here long enough."

 

 

"You sure." It wasn't really a question, she already would have known the answer.

 

 

"Yeah." He reached down and wrapped his weapon and they began walking away, headed towards home once again.

 

 

Rick didn't even glance back at the tree he was whacking moments earlier in a fit of rage. Rage he couldn't control. The tree was marred with slices and chops, chunks of bark everywhere. It was a mess, just like Rick. But it would be okay. Right?

 

 

 

 

 

"So I've been thinking." Rick glanced up from the road to look at his parter. They had been walking longer than the day before, but he could tell they were getting closer, he was starting to recognize things. Michonne had been keeping up conversation in her best hopes to keep the mood light. 

 

 

'Probably worried I'm gonna go psycho on her again.' He shook the thought. "Thinkin huh? You don't do too much of that." He chuckled.

 

 

His grin widened when she rolled her eyes. "Watch yourself." She shoved him in a playfully offended way. "I was thinking, that once Carol gets back, I'm going to ask her to teach me how to bake apple pie." 

 

 

Rick stopped, his stomach dropped, his knuckles turning white around his hatchet. He breathed in, coughing went he choked on the air. Blood flowing through his ears busted Michonne's worried voices. He cough more and fell over, puking up what little he had eaten from earlier. Water sprung from his eyes, probably from the dry heaving.

 

 

His partner was there beside him, patting his back, realizing what had happened. 

 

 

"M sorry." He groan.

 

 

"No, if anyone should be sorry, it's me. You have nothing to be sorry for." She stared into his eyes and waited for him to nod. "Quick! Go!" She jumped up, pulling him with her.

 

 

It took a moment for him to get back in the right head space, but Michonne was rushing him off the road and more into the trees. There was a van driving straight for them. They were not at all ready for any kind of ambush. Michonne unsheathed her katana. Preparing for a fight. 

 

 

They hid their best in the bushes as the van pulled up, stopping right in front of them. They weren't quite able to see their faces without giving their own positions away. The doors opened and people jumped out. Michonne gripped her sword tighter, making Rick internally curse himself, seeing his own weapon on the pavement. 

 

 

"Hey! Y'all can come outa the bushes now, we know you're there. We saw you a mile away." The familiar voice snickered. 

 

 

Michonne put her sword back, smiling. Rick moved as well.

 

 

"Thought you two looked familiar. Happy to see me?" Abe wiggled his eye brows. 

 

 

"Dad?" 

 

 

"Carl!" Rick ran forward, hugging his teenage son. He felt tears, but didn't care as he held him tight.

 

 

"Sure, give him all the attention. 'M the one the one that stopped when no one else believed what I saw."

 

 

"Thanks, Abe." Michonne followed behind, picking up his small axe and packing it, and pat Abraham's shoulder. 

 

 

"See? Appreciation, that's all I ask." Everyone chuckled. "Alright. Touching moment, but I think we aughta take these two home, dontcha think?" 

 

 

Rick smiled, bringing Michonne into their hug. "Yeah. Home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhg sorry this is 2ish days late. At least it's a pretty long chapter, so that can make up for some of the wait :P yeah? I also had some really exciting -_- adult obligations that needed dealt with so I could be stress free and write this.
> 
> Let me know what you think, I love getting comments from you guys! You're the best!
> 
> I think only one more chapter after this :( just a conclusion piece. Sadness!  
> I'm thinking after this I'll take some requests... if any of you are interested??? Negan/Rick or if there was a part of this story you wanted slightly expanded... or something. I dunno xD I'm interested. Cuz October is so far away.
> 
> I'm also stuck on the last chapter a bit. Not sure if I want to tell if from everyone's view then Rick's then 3rd person. Or just keep going with the Rick view. Tough decisions. Last chapters always kill me, and I know it's partly because I'm stalling xD I don't want it to end!!


	12. The Game of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, he was alive. Even if he didn't look it, he was alive. That was something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh. I'm so sorry everyone! It took me so dang long to finally finish this sucka :/ but I did it!   
> Months and months later.   
> I meant to have it done a long time ago, I had like a 4th of it done a couple of days after the last upload. But then I left for vacation(my first vacay in 12 years or so) and I completely forgot where this was even going. And lost motivation. So I hope it doesn't suck. I meant to even have it up last week, but I had to prepare for an art show and then I've been sick for awhile. My brains on one long continuing fart.  
> Enjoy the final chapter! Finally D:

ABE

 

 

Abe glanced around the van, suddenly feeling a sense of realness. Rick was sitting to his left in the passenger seat while Michonne and Carl seemed caught up in the back of the van. Sasha was eyeing the two of them, but caught Abe's eyes in the rearview mirror and gave him a sad smile. Hos moustache twitched upward as he gave her a worried look back. Everyone seemed to be avoiding eye contact with Rick, or any sort of contact. But the same could be said about him. It was over. For now. Until they had to deal with Negan again, who the hell knew when that would be? They were headed home, this was good. 

 

 

Abe cleared their throat, bringing Rick's attention from his own mind to him, he hoped. His wirey red tinted handle bar mustache twitched as he sat there, mouth agape, eyes focused hard on the road ahead. Then his mouth closed again, in a tight pinch, brows furrowed. 

 

 

He saw Rick turn away out of the corner of his eye. "I'd understand." His voice cracking. Michonne and Carl did stop talking, but he knew they were listening. "It would make sense if I wasn't a leader for Alexandria anymore." Rick's left hand reaches for his nub subconsciously.

 

 

The redhead gripped the steering wheel hard, turning his knuckles paper white. " Ya know that's complete n utter cow turds." Abe looked at Rick who in turn looked at him, before turning back at the empty road. Rage, masking a small amount of sadness filled him up. "I've got to be completely honest here, Rick. When I first met you, I couldn't stand yuh, and I sure as hell didn't respect yuh." Rick nodded in a silent agreement. "But you know how to deal with your shit, and handle everyone else's shit just the same. So now there's a whole lot more shit to be handled, but you still got one hand to pick it up and throw it in the wind." He rambled. "And. I sure as hell won't work under the conditions of someone with less shit handlin experience as yourself, and as for myself, takin lead right now ain't really my style at the moment. But I'm happy to follow where you lead." After a moment, Abe cleared his throat again, nodding and smiling to himself, proud of his speech.

 

 

"Yuh know." Rick turns, a small curved smile forming on his face. "Most the time, I don't know what the hell you're talking about." Both the men chuckle. "But I get it, and it's... appreciated." 

 

 

"Good." Abe smiled to himself, forehead wrinkling. "Good, I'm glad I could clear that up for yuh." Then his smile fell as he drove the rest of the way to Alexandria in silence. Not sure there was anything left to say, even if Rick didn't fully believe him and his gusto speech. But it would be alright, they all made it this far. They were all alive. And he had to thank Rick for that, but how much of Rick was left?

 

 

 

SASHA

 

 

"Abe, Daryl, and I were on our way back from Hilltop." Sasha opened the back of the van, and began unloading a few cases and passing them to Abe and Carl.

 

 

"And Maggie? Is Eugene with her? Glenn? What happened?" Rick asked her panicky. 

 

 

"It was rough. Really rough." She furrowed her brow, thinking back on how close they were to not making it. "But we made it in time and Hilltop didn't even hesitate to let us in and supply us with the medical attention that was needed. Maybe feeling as though this was partly on them. Daryl lost a lot of blood, but he'll be okay with time. The doctor said hell likely heal, but there will be scarring." Shasha paused. "Maggie could have died. She almost died, along with her baby."

 

 

"Wha- what happened?"

 

 

"Her appendix burst. Useless organ. But they had tools to operate. Glenn and Abe showed up just a couple of days after." She smiled, remembering the moment Glenn reached his wife.

 

 

Rick let out a relieved sigh. "Did they say how long they'll be away?" 

 

 

"Uhm." Sasha grabbed the last light box from the van, there definitely wasn't much in it, in any of them really. "Awhile. I don't think Maggie should be moved any time soon."

 

"Yeah, of course." She could hear the relief and understanding in his voice. 

 

 

The man reached with his good arm to grab the box from Sasha, but she moved it away. "Its okay, I've got this." Rick started to disagree, but Sasha stopped him. "Look, you should take some days off. You went through a lot." She placed a hand on his shoulder, forced a smile, before pulling away again. "Its just a couple of bandages and pain killers that I'm taking to Daryl. Doctors orders. And I'm gonna get him while he's high, him. Not arguing. Is a rarity." They both laughed. 

 

 

"Oh right. There's some to spare in here, for your- you know." Sasha still had to wrap her mind around it, but it wasn't the first time, and probably not the last time that someone would have to work with a handicap. She knew if anyone could get through it, it would be Rick. But she also saw and heard about the other stuff he was forced to do. How was Rick still standing here, looking tired, but somewhat sane right now? She didn't think she could even handle what he'd gone through. No one should have to. Sasha shook her head clear and forced a smile at her leader. She handed him a roll of bandages and a pill bottle. She can see that Rick is so grateful. It's barely anything, but it's something. She could do that. Little things. Smells steps. They would make it through this. 

 

 

RICK

 

 

Michonne came up behind him, touching his back gently, before placing her arm around his shoulders. "We both smell and look terrible. So whata you say to a shower and bed?" Rick hummed back his answer as they walked their way back home. 

 

 

 

Rick and Michonne ended up not showering together, with Rick's persuading. More like begging. Michonne didn't push him once she saw the look in his eyes. 

 

He spared no glance into the mirror as he moved towards the bathroom to the shower, slamming the clear glass door behind him, and turn the knob to as hot as he could make it. He needed to just melt away into the drain along with the dirt and grime that washed off him. He rested his hand on the wall in front of him, careful to avoid contact with his nub and the spray of water. He stared down at his dirt crusted feet on white tiles as mud, sweat, blood, and whatever else swirled around him, making groaning noises as it ran down the pipes. 

 

Rick fell to his knees with a hard crash. But I really didn't feel it. 

 

He choked back a sob that began to bubble up in his chest, he'd hope the splashing of water around him drowned it out. Flashbacks and ghost hands all over him, touching and hurting, surrounding him, forcing him to let out a frustrated scream into his good arm. Biting down hard to feel anything but the memories of Negan. Then it was bile that rose, and he was coughing into the tiles, watching what little stomach acid that came up be washed away like the rest of him. His throat burned and that made Rick feel glad. He'd take any other pain right now. 

 

 

He casts his bright blue eyes over to the bathroom cupboard to wear his razor resided. No. He shook that thought out of his mind. 

 

 

Rick breathed in once. Twice. Once more and got up, shut the water off and stepped out on wobbling legs. He carried himself over to the sink, in front of the mirror. He hesitantly wiped away what fog he could and looked at his muddled reflection.

 

 

Well, he was alive. Even if he didn't look it, he was alive. That was something. 

 

 

MICHONNE

 

 

Michonne's heart broke at the muffled sounds of her lovers sobbing as he showered. She wanted so badly to go in there and comfort him, but she needed Rick to come to her when he was ready. When she was ready too. She honestly didn't know how much good she could do for him, and that hurt her. But she would stay by his side, even if it was all she could do. 

 

She could barely reach up and dry her tears away, she was completely wiped out. Her lids grew heavy with each blink until she drifted off, still frowning. 

 

 

 

CARL

 

 

Carl walks into the dining room when he here's the familiar sounds from his irritated father. He's there in a chair, facing away from Carl, towards the table. Carl can see a roll of bandages and some gauze lying across the table. His dad is grunting, his hand up near his mouth, which Carl can't quite see what he doing. That is until the chair shoots across the wood floor, and Rick is smashing a plastic bottle into the table. Pills scatter across the table and some fly to the floor.

 

Rick makes a defeated noise.

 

 

"Where Michonne?" Carl decides to make himself known. Which may have been a mistake when he sees his father jump.

 

"What the hell Carl?! You scared the ship out of me!" His father yells.

 

Judith begins to cry from upstairs.

 

 

The teenager is taken aback at first, but then he sees his father's face morph from anger, to confusion. 

 

"I-. Sorry." His father sighs. "I couldn't get the damn thing open. I shouldn't have lost my temper."

 

 

"It's okay." Carl shrugs. 

 

 

"Michonne is resting."

 

 

"I've got her!" The two men hear from upstairs.

 

 

"Michonne was resting." Rick corrects, chuckling, but there's sadness in it.

 

 

"Well. I was gonna go out and walk around a few blocks, but I can stay here and help you if you want."

 

 

"'M fine." His father says stubbornly.

 

 

"Yeah, sure, dad." Carl rolls his eyes, making his way into the rest of the dining room. He kneels down and starts to pick up the small tablets from the floor. 

 

"I've got it, Carl." 

 

 

"You pick up the ones on the table, and I'll pick up the ones of the floor. Deal?" 

 

 

His father looked at him funny, probably wondering when he had become the sensible one. Then he glanced at where his dad's hand used to be, his smile fell, and he returned his attention to the few last pills on the floor. 

 

 

"I can help, dad."

 

 

"I don't need help." Rick stressed.

 

 

"Yeah. You do." Carl said bluntly. "You haven't realized it, but things are different now. And I need you to trust me, and let me help you."

 

 

Rick opened his mouth to argue, but closed it, and nodded. "Yeah. You're right." He picked at the pills in his hand, then placed all but the two he downed onto the table.

 

 

When they were done picking up the pills, Carl turned to leave the room. "Carl-" his father stopped him. "Do you think that you can help me change this bandage? It got wet in the shower, and now it's starting to itch and smell." 

 

 

"Yeah. Yeah. Of course, dad." He sat down in a chair beside his father. "I do know a thing or two about changing bandages." Carl chuckled wiggling his eyebrows so that the bandage on his eye wiggled as well.

 

 

MICHONNE

 

 

She made sure to wait until the two Grimes men, yes it was time to admit Carl was becoming a man, to join them in the dining room. She strolled in with baby Judith on her hip and a large towel wrapped around her head. She hummed at them when she saw what they were up to, and they turned to look at her. 

 

 

Rick swiftly pulled his partially bandaged arm from Carl, accidentally bumping it on the side of the table. 

 

 

"Careful!" Carl yelped.

 

 

"I thought you were resting." Rick said painfully, cradling his arm into his chest.

 

 

"As you should be." Michonne rose an eyebrow at him, and sighed. "I was, but not before taking that much needed shower." She moved closer to him, Judith cooing and reaching for him as she did so. She stopped a foot or two away when she noticed him curling in more with each step she took. "Let me see." She held out her free hand.

 

 

Her lover shook his head, and frowned. Was he mad at her?

 

 

"I don't want the baby to see." He whispered, gritting his teeth. 

 

 

"Dad, she's seen worse, she's not gonna care. Judith missed you, she's just happy you're home." 

 

 

"No." His face fell into his hand. Michonne recognized the signs of him fighting off showing too much emotion. "It's. It's just too much right now."

 

 

They stood there quietly. Carl looked over to Michonne, his mouth opened to argue. But Michonne scrunched her lips, slightly shaking her head, and he closed it and nodded. "Hey Carl. Why don't you go take Judith for a walk around the block? I'll finish up here with your father."

 

 

"Yeah." He stood up and took his little sister from her arms. "It's pretty nice out today, and I think we'll go check on Daryl. Wouldn't you like to go see uncle Daryl?" He said, bouncing Judith on his hip until she giggled in excitement.

 

 

Rick didn't relax, even after his two children left. Michonne smiled sadly, but she felt her eyes twitch as the worry grew under her skin. "Let's get that bandage tape up and then we're getting some sleep. Like days of sleep. A week if we can." She forced a chuckle. 

 

 

RICK 

 

 

Rick woke with a start. Hands were on him immediately, he couldn't see whose, it was too dark, or he just couldn't see. He shoved the hands away and rolled out of the bed, grabbing where he knew his gun was sitting, but instead knocked it onto the floor, remembering that his hand was no longer there. He fell to the ground with it, scrambling for it. Someone was around him. And then someone else was on top of him, but he knocked them off and reached his weapon. It was awkward in his left hand, but he pointed it as steady as he could.

 

 

"RICK!" A woman's voice broke through the darkness. He heard the horror, shock, and worry all behind that one word. 

 

And then his vision cleared. Carl was on his back on the floor in front of him where he had thrown him to, and his gun was pointed just above his sons head. Carl's fear was apparent. Rick dropped his gun, it cluttered loudly on the floor. "Carl-" He glance up where Michonne was kneeling on the bed. Her hands slowly moved down to her sides and relief washed over her face when she met his eyes. She moved of the bed on his side of the room and helped Carl up, he could see her whisper something to him. Carl gritted his teeth, clenched his eye shut and steadied himself onto his feet. 

 

 

"Carl. Michonne. I'm so sorry. I don't know-"

 

 

Michonne hushed him, as her and his son helped pull him up off his knees and lowered him to the bed. He just realized how much he was shaking and sweating, his breathing was raspy.

 

 

"I'm gonna go check on Judith." Carl mumbled, shoulders squared, head up, but completely avoiding eye contact with his father.

 

 

"Wait, son-" 

 

 

"Rick, it's okay. No one's hurt. We're okay." 

 

 

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I thought, that maybe I could just go back to normal. Being here. But I can't even control my own body."

 

 

"It's not your fault." Michonne sat beside him on the bed, wrapping one comforting arm around his back, and her other hand caressed his wrist. "What you went through was a too much for one person to tackle."

 

 

"Is that why you came with when Negan and his men took me to their compound? To take on some of the burden? You know I would never want Negan's disgusting hands-"

 

 

"Rick. I assure you. Nothing happened."

 

 

He didn't believe her.

 

 

"I wasn't going to just hand them over to you. Not after I mutilated you."

 

 

"Don't say that, Michonne. You saved me."

 

 

"I needed to make sure you got help and that we got out of there. I won't lie to you, they knocked me around a bit. But that's all. I swear to you." She forced him to look into her eyes.

 

 

They sat like that for awhile. Everything still and silent around them, and he nodded. Letting it go.

 

 

"Alright." 

 

 

"Maybe we should talk about-"

 

 

"No." He said, anger rising in his voice. "I mean, no. It's okay. I'm fine." He stood up, legs jerking slightly. 

 

 

"Rick." She warned.

 

 

"I'm just gonna get some air." He mumbled. 

 

 

 

DARYL

 

 

Daryl had original ventured to the cemetery, or what they had made into one, to just get away, in a spot with no eyes on at this time at night. But when he heard someone was already there. He grunted and started to turn around to leave, he really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. 

 

 

He heard a grunt, and then the sound of something hitting one of the metal barriers surrounding Alexandria. "The hell?" He turned around, even though it was an inconvenience for him, he couldn't sit by and let some knucklehead possibly give reason for walker to hoard around their town. "What the hell do ya think yer doin?" He shouted at the dark.

 

 

The other man gasped. "Shit. Oh. Daryl, it's just you." 

 

 

"Rick?" Daryl lowered his voice when he heard his friend speak. 

 

 

"I wasn't expecting anyone else wondering around out here this late at night."

 

 

Daryl squinted suspiciously, he could tell he'd interrupted something private, which he sorta understood. "Well, there is."

 

 

"Yeah I suppose there is." Rick chuckled. "I can go, uh, if you need some space." The leader cleared his throat awkwardly.

 

 

"Naw. It's a'right, yuh ain't in my way or nothin." Daryl shrugged. "What were you doin anyway?" 

 

 

"Just- something stupid." 

 

 

"That's normal fer yuh, though." Daryl grinned.

 

 

"Smart ass." Rick smiled back. "I guess I was working my left hand, didn't think it was a good time to be out here shootin so I thought I'd throw some rocks." 

 

 

"Yer right, that is dumb." The bowman grunted.

 

 

The two men laughed with each other. 

 

 

"Shut up." Rick said, wiping tears from his eyes. 

 

 

Daryl studied his leader up and down. He started to think about if he should ask how he was doing, but he shook that thought away. He didn't even know how to bring any of that up, and he was only with Rick for the beginning of it all. "Let's go grab a beer or som'." He blurts. 

 

 

Rick looked as if her were going to argue at first. But then he flashed his teeth. "You have some?"

 

"Well, I have som'thin." 

 

"Alright. Why not?"

 

 

 

Rick takes a seat on one of the stools at the counter while Daryl shuffles through the cabinets. He first pulls out a pill bottle and and swallows one down dry, and offers it out to Rick. Daryl watches Rick think about it for a moment, before the other man looks down at his right arm then takes one as well. He mumbled his thanks.

 

"Sure." Daryl murmurs back, then goes back to the cabinet.

 

He set down a mason jar full of a clear liquid, and Rick gives him a dubious look. "Moonshine? Really?" His eyebrows raised.

 

"I said it was somethin." Before opening the jar and taking a swig. He loves the burn it leaves as it slides down his throat. 

 

He pushes the drink towards Rick, who gulps. Daryl can't help but smirk. "I don't know. We probably shouldn't be drinkin in our state. Prescription medicine and alcoholic drinks don't mix well." 

 

"I feel like our state," Daryl puts emphasis on that last word, because it's Rick's word, not his. "Is exactly the damn reason we should be drinkin. 'N do you really care 'bout doctors orders n shit?"

 

Rick takes a swig before Daryl is done talking. He makes a face and has a coughing fit, which has Daryl laughing. "Yuh ain't ever have moonshine before, Grimes?" He mocks.

 

"Not." The leader coughs again. "Not in a long time, apparently." 

 

 

They drink and laugh until Rick's splayed out on the floor and Daryl is sitting beside him, leaned up on a stool. The buzz is just settling in him, while his leader is laughing hysterically as some joke about how moonshine and headlocks are illegal. Or something like that, Daryl can barely understand what the man is saying. 

 

But then the laughing breaks, and so does Rick, and he pulls his face into his hands and he's gasping hard. Daryl really doesn't know what to do, he's never been known to deal with his emotions well, but Rick is his best friend. So he rolls over and takes the empty mason jar and throws it across the room. It hits a wall and shatters on impact, making Rick jump. 

 

Rick looks over at Daryl, bloodshot eyes and snot running from his nose. "I should go." He hiccups. 

 

 

"It ain't fair!" Daryl yells. "This ain't how our lives were s'pose to go. We moved 'ere ta start sumthin new, and now it's fucked. It ain't fucken fair!"

 

 

Rick sits up. "I don't think I can beat this one." He whispers, Daryl can hear how much he was fighting back the words.

 

 

"Damn right, cuz we're all in this with yer dumbass. Yuh can't beat em alone. Stop thinkin that you havta. Cuz we're screwed without yuh." 

 

 

 

RICK

 

 

A few days had passed since all of them had returned to Alexandria, other than the few that had decided to stay at Hill Top. Rick was doing his best to both rest and prepare for the changes that were forcefully made to him and the rest of his group. Each time he tried to join someone for post, they would dismiss him politely, telling him it was probably going to be a dull day. And when he tried to help with the farming that still was underway, his missing hand would get in the way. And then Michonne or Carl, whoever was on duty, would drag him inside for some medicine or a clean bandage, and that would make him drowsy in the end. Luckily, Daryl and Abe would sneak him out every chance they got to practice using his left hand for using his weapons. 

 

It was all very exhausting. But that didn't stop the nightmares from waking him up every night. And the phantom pains on him, and in him. Remember that man's hands everywhere. And other things. Touching, and squeezing, and prodding, and biting, and hitting, and tearing. He felt so disgusted with himself. Being so used. 

 

No matter how grateful everyone was. And how many times his family told him that he was so strong. And how often he woke up telling himself this was better than someone missing from his life. It still didn't fade. The pain wouldn't ever leave.

 

 

Another night shaking on his sweat drenched pillow, raspy voice grunting no as he woke up. It was that night he couldn't hold it all in anymore. He cried. Weeped. Nothing hysterical like that night with Daryl, but just pure nothingness. Hope was lost.

 

 

Arms reached around him, pushing him, pulling him in close, he felt lips press against his shoulder. 

 

Michonne held him until he cried out all the tears his weak body had left in him. 

 

He broke in her arms. Not just the crying, but he opened up. Finally. The words spewed out. He told her everything and how much he was dying inside. And that he no longer had faith in himself, that there was no way he could take on being the leader anymore. And he told her how he wished he hadn't woken up ever again after she cut off his hand. He told her he wished he were dead, that he and everyone else would be better off. And he meant every word.

 

 

MICHONNE

 

 

She cried with him, her love. He was broken. They would all fix him. But for now he was broken. And parts of her were broken too.

 

 

Michonne covered Rick with their blanket, he had fallen asleep, completely passed out mid sentence. She kissed him on the forehead, a tear falling onto him rolling from her face. She moved back down beside him, one arm still draped around him, keeping him close in fear that his body would drift away life the rest of him. 

 

Flashes of the days Negan had them appeared in her mind. And then she remembered the map they were given when they were dropped off in the middle of nowhere. She had burned that thing as soon as they got back to Alexandria. 

 

 

 

 

The map.

 

YOU STILL OWE ME ONE. SEE YOU SOON -LOVE, NEGAN AND LUCILLE.

 

She shook that out of her mind. "I'll do everything in my power to keep you safe." She whispered. She wasn't sleeping that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So tell me what you think!   
> I am really really sorry it took me so long :(  
> I may edit it soon since the first episode of season 7 released and I might add in a little bit about who (almost for story sake) died... but we'll see. I wrote well over half of this before the episode aired here, but not soon enough dern it.
> 
>  
> 
> I love you guys, and if you've stuck around and kept your faith in me, thank you so much.   
> This mayyyy have a little sequel. Cliffhanger.   
> And I have more Negan and Rick stories building up in my head.  
> ❤❤

**Author's Note:**

> Wellllll, how did I do?? I know it's really short, it's just something in my head that I needed to write.  
> it's 5 am and this is what I do when I can't sleep....  
> If you want to read my theory of who Negan killed, head over to my tumblr!! I worked hard on it. Who really knows lol


End file.
